WEEK 25: The Dead Stay Silent

Great song mate!

My only issues are that in this verse:
Soldiers on the move
Bullets all around
Fighter jets scramble
Missiles stream through the air
War machines take the hill
The dead screamed out
I'm forced into a particular time period (ie. bullets, fighter jets, missiles) whereas prior to that verse my mind had pictured battles of The Great War and Napoleonic era. Personally, I would like to see it be a little more general so as to apply to all. But then if you specifically wanted to set a specific time period then that's cool. :)

The only other issue was with the verse:
American flag sways by the graves
The grass is freshly cut
Where are their families now?
Tears dried up long ago
The dead stay silent
Again, similar to the above comment, this time I'm forced into imagining American soldiers only (no offence to American soldiers btw). And like above I'm picturing soldiers of all ilk and on both sides of the fence. Sort of thinking that irrespective of what side they're on, they're all soldiers fighting for their country. But in death there is no distinction.

Maybe if you're angling for an American-specific angle though (similar to Hilch and Pbee's Anzac-specific songs) then I wonder if having a reference to America very early in the piece would help? Again, I hope no-one takes offence to what I'm saying here 'cause none is meant.

Apart from that I really love this song. It conjures great imagery. I can picture myself walking the battlefields where soldiers fought and died many years ago, and the eerie feeling in doing so. Humbling and haunting. Love it. 8)

I'm forced into a particular time period (ie. bullets, fighter jets, missiles) whereas prior to that verse my mind had pictured battles of The Great War and Napoleonic era. Personally, I would like to see it be a little more general so as to apply to all. But then if you specifically wanted to set a specific time period then that's cool. :)

Again, similar to the above comment, this time I'm forced into imagining American soldiers only (no offence to American soldiers btw). And like above I'm picturing soldiers of all ilk and on both sides of the fence. Sort of thinking that irrespective of what side they're on, they're all soldiers fighting for their country. But in death there is no distinction.

Maybe if you're angling for an American-specific angle though (similar to Hilch and Pbee's Anzac-specific songs) then I wonder if having a reference to America very early in the piece would help? Again, I hope no-one takes offence to what I'm saying here 'cause none is meant.

Apart from that I really love this song. It conjures great imagery. I can picture myself walking the battlefields where soldiers fought and died many years ago, and the eerie feeling in doing so. Humbling and haunting. Love it. 8)

I thought about it when I was writing the song. I started in the American Civil War, then maybe ended at WWII with the line about towns. The era wasn't thought out yet.

Now the question should I fix it to be about, one era of soldiers, American soldiers, or soldiers overall?

Thanks Bennett and Peter! :)

Now the question should I fix it to be about, one era of soldiers, American soldiers, or soldiers overall?
For my two cents, I reckon doing it about soldiers overall would be the way to go and without being era-specific. It followed this up until missiles etc were mentioned and worked really well IMHO.

I also think that it would then apply to a much larger audience.

Reworking it to be era/soldier-specific might take a lot more work. So if you were looking to write a song about American soldiers, say, then I'd be inclined to stuff it full of content that the American people (and existing soldiers) can relate to. Again, I think Hilch and Pbee did this well with various lines that were very Anzac-specific.

Hope this helps. :)

Hi Ghost,

I like the song and I like the time element to it. When reading it I felt that you used the the recurring "The Dead Stay Silent" as a thread across all the time frames to good effect. To me that thread is the X factor in this song so well done there.

cheers

Paul

Hi ghost

Nice writting here ... the second verse is really good

Keep up the witting mate

hilch :?:

Ghost,

Good Job but I do agree it would work better
without the era specific references.

Then it the listener would be able to identify
with what ever era he/she wishes.

John

I pretty much agree with what Bennett said in his first post - funny, I was thinking Napoleonic Wars having watched an old episode of "Sharpe" earlier in the week....

Without the specific references, it could pretty much apply to any soldiers in any era of history - I think that's a good thing. If you want to go the American route, and dedicate it to American soldiers, fine - I have no problem with that, nothing wrong with patriotism - but someone else said if you're going that way, make it clear early in the piece - that's a must!

Well put together, well structured - strange, but this is one of those songs I think would fit any musical genre - I can see (or rather hear!) it as a Dylanesque protest song, a doomy Doors-style Vietnam war film soundtrack song, even in a metal style - let us know when you make your mind up!

:D :D :D

Vic

Hi

Good interesting start - nice ideas which need following through to get you where you want to be with this. But a really good start. I agree with the other comments about removing specific time frames - ther'e always conflict somewhere.

Good stuff

Bob :wink: