Hi everybody, I'll be back tonight to contribute tonight but here's my addition for now. The song needs a title if anybody has any suggestions. G. :)
v1
Divided by identity papers
Hearts and minds slain by haters
Oblivious to love one another
Forgetting their flesh is the same colour
v2
Sleep with flies, hide in the grime
Horror filled eyes fitting the crime
Chased through fields of maize
Poorest of poor cherish their days
Chorus
Midst of my essence
Empathy burns my insides
Paralyzing my souls intention
Fire where the devil resides
v3
One hundred days and nights would pass
Delivery of a promise was walking on glass
Nation after nation tried to justify
Definition of the word genocide
Silence spawned the gruesome end
Blind ignorance and trying to pretend
Laws of the universe are in force
Angels and demons own their remorse
Chorus
Midst of my essence
Empathy burns my insides
Paralyzing my soulds intention
Fire where the devil resides
Nice work, rocket.
I'd been toying with the idea of writing a song about the Rwandan genocide (I'm reading Shake Hands With the Devil currently). I guess now I don't have to.
I like the way you made sure there was at least one finger pointing back at you in the chorus; it gives credence to your message.
My only criticism would be that I can't quite feel the sheer devestation of the whole war. Admittedly its a huge job because it was a huge travesty, but I'd work towards it.
For example, being "chased through a field of maize" is scary, but being hacked to death by your neighbour's kid is horrific. I don't know if you want to go there, but I think the story demands it.
And there's so much that could be said as well, if you're looking to expand.
I loved the third verse. I think that's a brilliant way to end the song. It's a great recap of the whole incident in just a few words.
Again, good work. I love it when Canadians write about something relevant to Canada.
Ice cream is a dish best served cold.
Hi RocketGirl,
this is a pretty deep piece of work. I can tell you put a lot of effort into this, with a great result, well done :D . You also managed to use all of this weeks words without anything feeling forced. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for your replies
pbee, I tried really hard on this song, Of course it's not as good as I want it to be, the perfectionist is coming out of me. Thanks for your feedback.
I think the story demands it
Slowplay, I just wasn't sure if I wanted to depress everybody anymore than they already are! But you are absolutely right. So I am going to rework this song, thanks for your honesty, I needed it. G. :)
I just wasn't sure if I wanted to depress everybody anymore than they already are
I guess I should rephrase. I wasn't sure if anybody wanted to hear the atrocities because it's a depressing enough story on it's own. Make sense? Sorry, when I read it back it sounded kinda awful and not what I meant. :) G.
