This song is kinda weird, I don't even know where it came from. But I dreamt about writing these lyrics last night and just had to post them. Yes, I'm a geek. All comments should be directed to my subconsious.
Are you there?
Or am I speaking into dead air?
Will your blood flow?
I say yes but God says no.
You not by my side.
Emotions rushing that I can't hide.
I didn't expect it to end so fast
I expected you to be there to my last
I expected you there when I place first
And have you carry me at my worst
Have you wake with the dawn
But now you're gone
Questions, with no answers
So annoyed
No one to turn to
or fill that void
You not by my side.
Emotions rushing that I can't hide.
I didn't expect it to end so fast
I expected you to be there to my last
I expected you there when I place first
And have you carry me at my worst
Have you wake with the dawn
But now you're gone
The ending of your spark
No more walks through the park
Last moments burned my mind
Closure is hard to find
I didn't expect it to end so fast
I expected you to be there to my last
I expected you there when I place first
And have you carry me at my worst
Have you wake with the dawn
But now you're gone
Shock, horror, hold front page - OWA WRITES BALLAD!
That was my first impression on reading anyway, and I've read through a couple of times since and it still feels like a kind of dark, atmospheric ballad.....
The only -tiny! - thing I can pick fault with is in this section....
"The ending of your spark
No more walks through the park
Last moments burned my mind
Closure is hard to find "
If closure really is hard to find, wouldn't those last moments STILL be running through your mind? That being the case I'd change line 3 to either "Last moments burn in my mind" "Last moments still burn my mind" or "last moments burn through my mind".....
Nice writing!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hi OWA,
Good song and certainly fits the assignment. I think the verse that Vic mentions is the one that I had a little trouble with.
The ending of your spark
No more walks through the park
Last moments burned my mind
Closure is hard to find
Just the first 2 lines really, for some reason they don't work for me and I'm not sure why. But hey, the rest of the song is great
Cheers
Paul
Must've been some dream. I like the first part of this verse.
I didn't expect it to end so fast
The second part sounds a bit odd to me.
I expected you to be there to my last
Would you consider a slight change? Maybe:
I expected you to be my last
or:
I expected us to last
or something along those lines. That said, keep dreaming.
Joe
Hi OWA
Nice piece - certainly takes a different slant on the assignment. Last verse gives me a bit of trouble I don't think it's nearly as strong as the rest ofthe song. Bit of tweaking here should see it right.
Must have been a good dream
Good stuff
Bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
