Having waxed melancholy and practiced my country twang this is a departure that I wrote on my coffe break. Bit of a hard rock tune about a guy with a minor stalking problem. Not strictly metal, but a driving power chord rythm with lots of serious downstrokes, dark feel. Dum,dum, dum dum, dum, da, da dum, yeah we're rocking now.
(BTW I have edited for content as I felt the need to swear at one point , boy is this cat angry, when you see #%%$ use your imagination as I don't want to offend anyone.)
Put You in the Ground
I was drinking under the stars.
Thowing cans at passing cars.
I saw you when you walked in.
No effort to hide the skin.
I see you still hang out in bars.
Struck like lightning from the sky.
Look at you and I wonder why.
What did I ever see in you.
But a quick and dirty (s@%#%).
Well, can't you just crawl off and die.
Chorus:
Why don't you just leave me alone.
You won't break up my happy home.
Got a new son and a wife.
I don't want you in my life.
Why don't you just leave me alone.
It's time for you to let me go.
Our comet burned out long ago.
Don't wanna see you around.
Swear I'll put you in the ground
Don't you have the sense to know?
Don't want the darkness that you bring.
You're a thunderstorm in my Spring.
No more phone calls in the night.
No more ducking out of sight.
Don't want to see when my doorbell rings.
(CHORUS)
Well you slither up to him.
Bright as the sun with a dirty grin.
Boy don't know who to avoid.
I know you'll hit him like an asteroid.
Least I get some peace again.
'Bout time you left me alone.
Let me have a happy home.
With my new son and my wife.
Soak up the sunshine in my life.
'Bout time you left me alone.
Grrrrrrr! Oh I am so miffed with her.
"You want WHAT on the *&%#ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
Hey Narn
Nice piece of work. I like every thing about it except
What did I ever see in you.
But a quick and dirty (s@%#%).
I just can't get a rhyme here is there a (s@%#%) word that I don't know???
Favorite Line:
Don't want the darkness that you bring.
You're a thunderstorm in my Spring.
I think I know this girl, or maybe her sister. :lol:
Tokai 12 String
Don't you ever give up on yourself
Yes nice peice and it is very descriptive. I also agree with tokai about the line with the swear in it, I cannot seem to findd anything that rymes with it or even makes sense, I would suggest giving us a hint or changing it completely.
bstguitarist
:lol:
No matter what anyone says, these four men were the Innovators! of modern Rock & Roll!
Morse Code... Music on it's own
Hey Narn.
Seems you really got in thouch with some anger here. Really good stuff Rings true I know I've seen the type many times Love the chorus many great lines
"It's time for you to let me go.
Our comet burned out long ago"
"Don't want to see when my doorbell rings. "
"What did I ever see in you.
But a quick and dirty (s@%#%)" Would that 5 letters begins S and rhymes with Shrew? ( Which I think would not be an inaccurate description either)
Anyway keep up the good work,
Celt
Indeed TheCelt nailed it. Starts with "s", ends with "w" and rhymes with shrew. Also rhymes crew, dew, ewe, new ,etc.
"You want WHAT on the *&%#ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
Hey Narn
I did rhyme that but I don't find that to be offensive. It's not like your being vulgar, well maybe a little but its not like you're really swearing.
Tokai 12 String
Don't you ever give up on yourself
hey narn,
nice stuff once again. i like to see someone gettin' pissed off in a song. women can be such %^&*$ sometimes, i know. great job, i like to rythem and rhyme sceam. good job being true to the emotion that you started off with. you begin the song angry and it stays steady till the end.
i like the fact that you were able to use the word asteroid and not make it sound forced or out of place. nice change of pace from all the other sweet, sad, and cryeee emotional ones. (not that those aren't good them selves)
keep up the good work. hopefully the ending of that song is true and that horrible *&^%$ is out of your life.
-CheapThrill
Thanks for the kind words all. I didn't write out that mystery word because there are a few young people on the boards and I didn't wish to offend anyone who wouldn't want to see such matter on a public board.
Thanks all for the feedback.
Paul
"You want WHAT on the *&%#ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
because there are a few young people on the boards and I didn't wish to offend anyone who wouldn't want to see such matter on a public board.
And thank you for that. Whether or not I would take offense personally to it, is less important to me than the fact that I'd rather not have my daughters asking me about it. And they check in here from time to time. Thanks Narn.
As to the song,
I think it's really terrific. Took me a couple reads, because sometimes I shut down when something starts out that angry. But taken as a whole, with everything in context, it really a good song. Has kind of a "Fatal Attraction" feel to it. I think the best line is:
"You're a thunderstorm in my spring".
A complete encapsulation of the situation in 6 words. I love that. That's the kind of line I'll think on all day long.
Well done,
-- Scratch 8)
-- Scratch 8)
"...if heartaches were commercials, we'd all be on TV" -- John Prine
42
Bright as the sun with a dirty grin.
boy I love that:)))))
also the often-quoted line about the thunderstorm in spring:)
nothing I could say without repeating the others, it's a really good one:))
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hi Narn
Big thumbs up for this one - certainly able to relate to it. Have to say my favourite lines are
I saw you when you walked in.
No effort to hide the skin.
So angry :evil:
Great stuff
Bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
Like the song(I'm such a man of many words)
Dreamer#9
Hey Narn
Thank You
Dreamer#9
Indeed TheCelt nailed it. Starts with "s", ends with "w" and rhymes with shrew. Also rhymes crew, dew, ewe, new ,etc.
Nailed it... get it? That was halarious. Was the play on words intentional?
Sauce
SaucyJim,
Yes, it was.
Dreamer #9,
You are more than welcome.
Thanks all for the feedback. Glad some of you liked it.
"You want WHAT on the *&%#ing ceiling?" - Michelangelo, 1566
