week 44 City Blues

Welcome John,

I Like It! Big blues fan myself. On first readingI wasn't too it worked so I picked up my guitar and tried a little I- IV-V. It Works! A littlte Generic But it is a Blues after all. I would use a chorus of:

Ive got the blues
Those big city blues
And i dont know what to do
I got the blues

That's how I tried it with the guitar staying on the I chord for the verses and going to the IV as you start the chorus.

Very good first attempt looking forward to seeing more in the future.

Celt

I know exactly how you feel, I could do with a holiday myself!!!

I've tried playing through this, I think the easiest way to get a feel for a song is to play it yourself, but you haven't given any pointers as to structure.......verse, chorus, bridge etc.......

I'd suggest playing the first four lines slowly, as an intro (You might want to change the second line to "Got those big city blues," get the title in early!) and the second four lines a little more uptempo, but with the same melody, then changing the melody for the third set of four lines.....next four lines, back to the first pattern, then back to the second pattern, then use the first four lines, repeated, as the "outro" ....

The only line that doesn't seem to fit is in the third set of 4 lines,

I should be sitting on a beach some where
Strumming my guiter
Not stuck in a traffic jam
We,ve tried to go to far ........

Not keen on the last line, but to be honest can't come up with anything better off the top of my head......I can see what you're trying to say...

So yeah, I like this, conjures up strong mental images of the rat-race, and a yearning to get away from it all - just needs a few little tweaks, fine tuning is all.....

Oh and welcome to Guitarnoise!!!

Vic

:) :) :)

hey john,

not bad for having never written anything before. certainly better than my first post. nice flow and rhythem. i really felt it, which i usually don't.

nice take on the assignment, i like the fact that the main character is just thinking about how much we wants to be at the beach.

i don't want to repeat what vic had to say he put it so nicely, but i did want to say that the last line of the third set of lines bugged me too. but alas, i don't know what to suggest.

you did a great job getting across your point and the main idea of this song. there is some great imagery here too. these are good fondations points to work from. i am sure you will only get better with time.

look forward to reading more.

-CheapThrill

Thx all for your kind word :oops:

about this 4th line how about

(Dreaming of faraway shores)

Plz let my know what you think.

thx

hey john,

i do like your revised line better than the first. but the only thing is that two lines later you use the word shore again. that might be too close for a stand out line like shore. but other wise good job.

-CheapThrill

Just a suggestion.......

Instead of

"I should be sitting on a beach some where
Strumming my guiter
Not stuck in a traffic jam
We,ve tried to go to far "

Try........

"I should be relaxing at the beach,
Strumming my guitar and being lazy,
Not stuck in this traffic jam,
Rapidly going crazy.."

Thx vic
That sounds kool

thx man

ps about the music side of it i write it throw the nihgt without my guitar.
i just sang it in my head.

thx all