I've now edited this and added a soundfile at http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=746310
The Trees, They Stayed Green Longer
they say the jet stream
moved further South this year
like we wish we all could do
when the holidays are here
precipitation
like vengeance from above
poured stone cold showers on our
Summer lusts and love
but the trees, they stayed green longer
than they do this time of year
no forest fires or hose bans
to fan Daily Mail fears
webs in my garden
are easier to see
September dents the Celsius
another five degrees
jumper from the wardrobe
sandals put away
crank the boiler and get ready
for sneezy maladies
but the trees, they stayed green longer
and the reservoirs were filled
and the streets, they all got cleaned of
McCrap and orange peel
Mr Leather Elbow Patches
cannot quite contain himself
the figures that he matches
with his dials on the shelf
confirm the wettest Summer
since the records were begun
he's the only one who's whistling
on his soggy journey home
but the trees, they stayed green longer I've now decided to ditch this 'chorus'
than their counterparts in Greece
no yobs in drink-fuelled riots
to tax city police
Autumn fires will gladden
and the talk in all in the pubs
will centre on adventures
caused by river, rain and flood
of the heroes of the nation
who stood up to the test
but we'll all complain anyway
cos that's what we all do best
but the trees they stayed green longer
yes the trees they stayed green longer
oh the trees they stayed green longer
than they do this time of year
Way to find a silver lining! :D I like this a lot.
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
Don't know if Bob meant for this to turn into a "Brits talk about rain" week, but it certainly has made for great reading. :wink: There's a lot of clever lines here, not to mention some wicked rhymes ("filled" with "peel" and I've got to put "degrees" and "maladies" on my "wish I'd come up with that" list) but I'm wondering how it's all going to sound. You've taken some time to sort out the meter but that doesn't mean it's all going to roll off your tongue when you sing it. Speaking of which, any ideas for the music yet?
Is this really your first shot at an SSG piece? Then I think we're in for a treat as you mature and develop. You've already got a good knack for creating a whole flood of images (pardon the pun) from small phrases ("Mr. Leather Elbow Patches") or a well chosen word ("McCrap"). And you've also got a good ear for internal rhymes ("will centre 'round adventures"). It'll be very interesting to hear this one when you've got it ready.
Looking forward to more from you.
Peace
Is this really your first shot at an SSG piece?
Hi and thanks for the nice comments. This is my second submission to GN but the first in this forum.
You've taken some time to sort out the meter but that doesn't mean it's all going to roll off your tongue when you sing it. Speaking of which, any ideas for the music yet?
I wrote it in one 20 minute session yesterday without a tune. So you're right, I'll have to twist it around and possibly throw syllables overboard by changing things like cannot to can't etc.
I was pleased with the idea of having only the first line as the head of a chorus with different tails but in fact that's a major drawback for pulling an audience in. If I ever decide to keep some of it to perform I'll alter it. However, it's a bit of a silly song with a short shelf-life and the meter is deliberately dump-de-dump like a bad birthday card so it's unlikely to live to see daylight as it stands :-) :-)
Song now added to the original post as the link on here didn't work
Hey raystrack, I like this song a lot; especially the comment about the Daily Mail!
My favourite lines are the end of the 1st verse;
precipitation
like vengeance from above
poured stone cold showers on our
Summer lusts and love
Great writing!
Pete
ETD - Formerly "10141748 - Reincarnate"
Ray
I love this!
Great sense of humor and as Kathy said:Way to find a silver lining!
I'm going back to Soundclick and listen to your other song now.
John
PS I like that one too.
Brits talking about rain? Is there any other weather?
Seriously, I like this Raystrack....the imagery's great. Some lines I'm having a hard time fitting to the meter, but I'm guessing that's all straight in your head....
"McCrap and orange peel"...that's ALMOST a great line, but I haven't seen orange peel on the streets for ages - maybe chewing gum? Just a thought.
but we'll all complain anyway
cos that's what we all do best
PERFECT! Great line, and so true......
Look forward to reading more from you!!!!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Many thanks to everyone,
I'll take advice ref. chewing gum
Vic's right again and I'll not quibble
by tonight I'll ditch a couple of syllables
pretty happy with the song
except the line about drunk yobs
shame to throw the song away
so I'll edit for next time I play :lol:
Hi Ray
Very good take on the assignment - great MP3 worth listening to again and again. Great sense of humour on display which puts across some of the more serious lines really well.
Great stuff
Bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
Hi!
Great song! Really catchy, reminded me of a John Denver tune a bit. Great falsetto in the bridge. Short, sweet to the point, sorry my power is going out in 20 min and I've got to shower. Happy writing, G.
