Wk 44 - Vic - Summer?

First song I've written for ages.....so be gentle with me. I've forgotten what it feels like to get that buzz, when you write a new song and you're really excited about it - and to be truthful, I know this isn't the best I've ever written, but it just feels so good to get rid of that writer's block.....

Maybe next week I'll get something out worth reading...

Or you can get on the rewrite wagon with this one. It's a good start.

Speaking of starts, the first two lines get things going nicely but the "endless warnings" in the next line kind of goes against the grain. Did it rain or did you just get a lot of predictions of rain? Maybe:

Three endless months of rain and floods,
No summer, just a washed-out dud...

The second stanza I'd like to wait to hear. In my head it's a bit of a muddle but a good delivery could make it fine. And I know you're certainly capable of that.

The verse right after the chorus seems very weak, not because of the subject matter, but because it seems to belong in a different song compared to the first two verses.

Love the end of the bridge! :wink:

Any thoughts on the music for this yet, or are you just going to use it as a "breaking through the block" piece? I'm hoping you might want to tinker with it some more because I think it's got potential.

As always, looking forward to more. And I hope this critique was gentle enough. If not, remember that I'm trying to get back into the swing of things, too! :wink:

Peace

Ah, this was just purely stream (no watery pun intended) of consciousness writing - putting down the first thing that came into my head. It felt so good to be actually writing again I didn't worry about end product - I do have a chord scheme of sorts in my head, I always have some kind of melody line in my head while I'm putting lyrics down....

This is a long way from a finished song, but at least it's words on paper - it's a start, it's got me through that "Oh hell, I've dried up completely, I'll never write another song!" phase.

There's a couple of good lines in there....I think......and now I've smashed that barrier, the mental block, I might just get back to writing as a matter of routine....hopefully....

Thanks for the kind comments, anyway!

:D :D :D

Vic

I've had a go at fitting a tune / chords to this but had problems with the different metres across the verses (where's Elton John when you need him?)

I've had a go at editing to scan more evenly . Waddyafink? I like the chorus - easy to fit and also the bridge.

I also like the Randy Newman-esque style of writing it from the point of view of a numpty who doesn't believe the global warming warnings :-)
Summer?

Endless summer, where did it go,
No Beach Boys on the radio,
an endless bummer, rain and flood,
No sunshine, it's a washed-out dud....

Half of England's under water,
I never really thought I'd ought to,
Have a private swimming pool,
patio's flooded, ain't that cool!

Summertime - has been and gone,
Summertime - we waited so long,
Summertime - the winter dragged on,
Summertime - the rain...fell on and on and on!

Bulletins on global warming,
Seemed like so much scaremongering,
Could do with higher temperatures,
A drop in rainfall, that's for sure.....

__________________________________________________

First song I've written for ages.....so be gentle with me. I've forgotten what it feels like to get that buzz, when you write a new song and you're really excited about it - and to be truthful, I know this isn't the best I've ever written, but it just feels so good to get rid of that writer's block.....

Maybe next week I'll get something out worth reading.....

:D :D :D

Vic :lol: :lol:

Glad to see you came out from under (pun intended) your dry spell, Vic. I can see where you think this is just a quick knock off, but I think there's possibilities there. Raystrack seems to have some good suggestions.

Hey Vic
Welcome back to the land of writing, I might even join you there soon. Don't be too hard on yourself with this piece; I think the chorus's are excellent. The bridge and outro work too. I think if this was my song then I might be inclined to personalize the verses a bit more, make them a little more intense as a contrast to those great chorus's. Just my opinion, I think there is great promise here.

Cheers
Paul

Thanks as always for the comments, people.
Speaking of starts, the first two lines get things going nicely but the "endless warnings" in the next line kind of goes against the grain. Did it rain or did you just get a lot of predictions of rain? Maybe:

Three endless months of rain and floods,
No summer, just a washed-out dud...

What I was trying to do with that third line was continue the metaphor from the second line - I always associate long hot summers with Beach Boys music on the radio, summers seemed warmer and sunnier when I was a kid! - so the "endless warnings of rain and floods" (on the radio.....) have replaced the Beach Boys as the sound of summer......does that make sense?

As Kathy pointed out, Raystrack had a few good suggestions - although for this verse,

"Half of England's under water,
I never really thought I'd ought to,
Have my own private swimming pool,
But my patio's flooded, ain't that cool!"

I came up with:

"Half of England's under water,
I don't think I ever thought of (thoughta!)
Having my own swimming pool,
But the patio's flooded, ain't that cool!"

Anyway, I'm still working on it - I'll try a more detailed re-write later.

:D :D :D

Vic

Hi Vic

Good way to break your duck - tons of scope and possibility with this one - look forward to hearing it.

Good to see you back here writing again

Bob :wink:

Hi Vic

Good way to break your duck - tons of scope and possibility with this one - look forward to hearing it.

Good to see you back here writing again

Bob :wink:

Thanks Bob, it's good to be back! The house is decorated to Marilyn's satisfaction, the garden is spick and span, and the music room is a music room again. I've got plenty of new toys to play with, so I really have no excuse not to start writing and recording on a regular basis again. Starting today, I think.

:D :D :D

Vic