Title supplied by Chefie:
Whose your lover baby?
He ain't no sugar daddy
He ain't no three piece suit
He's just a man with rough hands
And a heart of gold and steel
he loves you for a kiss and a meal
I really find the "heart of gold and steel" line inspiring. Usually you get one or the other but putting them both together makes this special. Very nice!
Minor tweak might be to replace "three piece" with a well-known designer name ("...he ain't no Armani suit..." for example) just to make the chorus a little less generic.
Looking forward to more!
Peace
Hi,
I thought you made an excellent start on this:
Whose your lover baby?
He ain't no sugar daddy
He ain't no three piece suit
He's just a man with rough hands
And a heart of gold and steel
Like David, I thought gold and steel was great. :)
But I have to say that I groaned when I got to the last line:
he loves you for a kiss and a meal
Maybe that was meant to be tongue in cheek? But around here you wouldn't get away with that line unless you were under 5 and the woman was your mother. :P He might really only be after "a kiss and a meal" (and why not throw in some ironing while he's at it?) but these days he'd have to dress it up a bit more if he wanted to win the lady's heart. :wink:
Cheers,
Chris
Actually Chris your comment is exactly what I thought. DR I think the 1st four lines of this chorus a good but I feel that the last one lets it down a bit.
cheers
Paul
How's the line:
It's only a kiss he'll steal Sound?
How's the line:
It's only a kiss he'll steal Sound?
Hi again DR,
I don't want to sound too picky, but when you sing them "steel" and "steal" sound like the same word, so lyric writers tend to try and avoid that sort of rhyme. If he's trying to impress the woman, he might be on safer ground with "feel". Not spelling out which parts of her he'd like to feel, but showing he understands her feelings. :wink: :P
These have been used a few times I expect. But maybe something like:
"But he knows just how you feel".
or
"But his love for you is real"
With a bit more space you could even get him to propose marriage, and work in "kneel"..... Hey, now I'm getting carried away.... sorry... :roll:
Cheers,
Chris
I agree with the suggestion for Armani suit.
I found the meter when I read it, gave the last line rhyming with the third i.e. suit - but I can' think of one off-hand. :wink:
Oh lord what was I thinking: steel and steal? I better make sure I read my chorus next time before revision.
Who's your lover baby
He ain't no sugar daddy
He ain't no Armani suit
He's just a man with rough hands
And a heart of gold and steel
Your Love makes him feel
Or
It's your love that makes him feel
Hey DR your chorus is comming along nicely, how about something like this for the last line
Who's your lover baby
He ain't no sugar daddy
He ain't no Armani suit
He's just a man with rough hands
And a heart of gold and steel
And needs his lover to make him feel
or
Who needs his lover to make him feel
cheers
Paul
I don't know if I dig that ending. The first line seems to lead me to think that the chorus is directed at his lover; the new last line seems to change who our audience is. It goes from personal, to public. Understand what I mean?
Hi DR,
yeah I understand what your saying, not sure I agree entirely but still I know where your coming from. Certainly dont use it if your not comfortable with it.
cheers
Paul
