WK50 - Chorus from Raystrack

Hi Ray

I think you mean "homey" and not "homely" in Annie's Couch. Maybe not! I really like the next to last line there ("...the best of times, the best of mine...") as it's a wonderful twist on a usual run of the mill phrase. Good work on that!

And I really like that there are "three" kisses in Postcard of a Lighthouse. That makes the mind start working overtime!

Can't wait to read more.

Peace

Hi Ray

I think you mean "homey" and not "homely" in Annie's Couch. Maybe not!

Hi and thanks.

I think the American and UK take on this word is different. Brits don't use the word homey at all and homely here means 'just like home' - comforting, familiar and nice. I think the U.S. use it to mean plain or ugly?

Was it Spike Milligan who said we were "two nations separated by a common language" :P ? Like my use of 'Turkish fags' to mean cigarettes in another song.

Hi Ray
Here's a postcard of a lighthouse
concrete tower on the stone
strong and brave, defiant
facing storms for years alone
I'm tired of being the strong one
my heart is all at sea
here's three kisses for you baby
how I wish, how I wish
you were here with me
I like what you're saying here but for me the 2nd half of the chorus has a different feel to it from the first. If this was my chorus I might go with something like this:
Here's a postcard of a lighthouse
concrete tower on the stone
strong and brave, defiant
facing storms for years alone
I'm tired of being the strong one
when my heart is all at sea
So with these kisses baby
I'll wish you were here with me
Anyway just my thoughts. Good job on “Anne's Couch”

Cheers

Paul

Hi Ray

I like what you're saying here but for me the 2nd half of the chorus has a different feel to it from the first.
Paul

Hi Paul,

For me this is a lonely husband away somewhere a, sending a postcard back and putting three kisses after the signature. First half is a comment on the attributes of the lighthouse and likening it to his role in the family and the next half is the flip side where he just wants a cuddle.

Straycat - Postcard of a Lighthouse

I've snuck back in and changed this as it felt more like a verse than a chorus

Here's a postcard of a lighthouse
concrete tower on the stone
strong and brave, defiant
facing storms for years alone
I'm tired of being the strong one
my heart is all at sea
here's three kisses for you baby
how I wish, how I wish
you were here with me

Interesting added comment. On first read through the choruses for week 50 here so far, I felt that many of them were more like verses than choruses. But maybe that's a function of seeing the choruses first without their supporting verses? Not sure about that.

I liked your chorus above though. The only think that struck me was that I wanted, or expected, "concrete tower on the stone" to be "on the rock" and stone felt like it was there for the rhyme. However, it felt Ok as "concrete tower set on stone". Just my response to familiar language patterns perhaps. I liked the overall idea and feel of it.

Chris C - Annie's Couch

She'd be singing in the bathroom
with our dinner on the stove
those homely Winter evenings
were the ones I really loved
and later by the fire
I'll leave you with no doubt
the best of times, the best of mine
were there on Annie's couch

Homely works for me. 8) This pretty much nails what I had in mind with the title too. Good job. :) Couches are central places in our homes and can be places for anything from boistrous kids play to quite reflection, or courtship and romance. But combining the comforts and security of home with a bit of good old fashioned romance works well for me.
D Hodge - People Full Of Holes - bit heavy this, sorry.

I also thought about building cities on Native American soil.

they filled in the local mine shafts
unemployment took it's toll
left a dead and filled-in landscape
and people full of holes

I really liked the imagery of

left a dead and filled-in landscape
and people full of holes

Great stuff.

Cheers,

Chris

I liked your chorus (Postcard Of A Lighthouse). The only think that struck me was that I wanted, or expected, "concrete tower on the stone" to be "on the rock" and stone felt like it was there for the rhyme. However, it felt Ok as "concrete tower set on stone". Just my response to familiar language patterns perhaps. I liked the overall idea and feel of it.

Hi Chris - yes I also wanted 'rock', but within the first rhyme I need to set the imagery of loneliness and couldn't find a rhyme for rock or bluff or point or headland so left it as stones.

Ref. previous discussions, it seems that a good image in the chorus can make a song popular even when the verses don't stand up to scrutiny. How about this one from the famous sing along favourite I Shall be Released?

They say ev'rything can be replaced,
Yet ev'ry distance is not near. :?
So I remember ev'ry face
Of ev'ry man who put me here

hey.

your postcard of a lighthouse turned out pretty different form my idea;-)
(well, anyway, of course it would be totally different... this postcard has a story for me that no one else could understand.. it's a dream someone once shared with me.. living in a lighthouse.. and now.. that i am no longer the one that such dreams are shared with i sent him a pathetic postcard of a lighthouse.. but i don't think he understood it )
anyways... trying to forget the past :roll:

i like the direction your chorus goes. :D
cheers,
straycat

hey.

your postcard of a lighthouse turned out pretty different form my idea;-)
(well, anyway, of course it would be totally different... this postcard has a story for me that no one else could understand.. it's a dream someone once shared with me.. living in a lighthouse.. and now.. that i am no longer the one that such dreams are shared with i sent him a pathetic postcard of a lighthouse.. but i don't think he understood it )
anyways... trying to forget the past :roll:

i like the direction your chorus goes. :D
cheers,
straycat

Well the image is unique for you but I know all too well the lump in the throat of a memory of something that could have been. We torture ourselves with mementos.