http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=11855909&q=hi&newref=1
Howdy folks, its been quite a while!
anyway I hope you're all keeping well and here's my effort at a start for this week...
The title came from something I came up with as an earlier assignment but never got a chance to start. I have some music to go along with it but no way to record it for now (hopefully next week).
Death Row Cookin' [get it while you're still warm]-Ben Rowe
I see that boy clutchin' a photograph
I bet he's thinkin' 'bout the time that'll pass
without him
with one less person in the frame
I know in town there's a home gallery
of pictures of young Suzie Marie
23 she'll always be
'cause of this boy in front of me
CHORUS
But I'm just a death row cook so I'll send him on his way.
Get him fed, give him a cigarette and say 'I hope you enjoyed the stay'
I cook the steak to be ate with a spoon
this boy ain't gettin' my knife anytime soon
he's a sculptor
and i'm not trying to be his muse
To my surprise he offers up a smile
says he might not be stoppin' by for a while
he's got business
out of town and a speech to write
BRIDGE
But Suzie Marie never got a last meal
she just got a hard taste of this cold boys steel
so i'm tempted to say 'boy enjoy dessert,
It's a needle in the arm with a poisonous squirt'
CHORUS
But I'm just a death row cook so i'll send him on his way
I'll get him fed give him a cigarette and say 'I hope you enjoyed the stay'
"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."
Now, this is an original idea. I'm looking forward to hearing this.
Hi Ben,
Welcome back :D I agree with MrEWorm kudos on the unique angle :wink:
There seems to be some awkward phrasing, but it depends on how it's all sung and delivered. I can imagine the guy's voice that did Grammar Rock "Conjunction Junction" style of singing :note1: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ODGA7ssL-6g
kind of a mix of singing and story telling.
Thanks for sharing.
James
Different and dark. I guess this is what's called gallows humor. Telling the story from the cook's point of view is a great idea.
Some good lines. I like the use of "cold boy's steel" rather than "boy's cold steel."
It will be interesting to hear how you set this to music.
Renee
Good imagery, interesting variation on the rhyming pattern.
thanks a million for the comments and the time! hope you enjoy listening to it and please offer any suggestions if you have them!
cheers,
Ben
"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."
Hi Ben,
again kudos for an interesting topic
Sounding good :D
I was surprised to hear the chorus back off and drop back instead of increase volume and pitch...more typical.
Suggestion: Consider focusing in on one feeling from the singer.....right now it seems a mix....the singer wants to be nice by adding the cigarette and well wish....unless it was sarcasm....the singer seems timid..." i'm not trying to be his muse"...."i'm tempted to say 'boy enjoy dessert".....the singer seems to be indignant about the murder.....the singer seems to have low self-esteem or embarrassment about his job "I'm just a...." maybe the cook is new to the job, but it would seem he would have more emotional distance.....but then again Death Row cooks probably don't cook every day...or that often....Or maybe it's that the song doesn't hero one person's POV.....who is this song about? The cook? the killer? the girl?
....well maybe it would grow on me....it's getting me thinking....and that's a good thing :wink:
Thanks for sharing.
Suggestion: Consider focusing in on one feeling from the singer.....right now it seems a mix....the singer wants to be nice by adding the cigarette and well wish....unless it was sarcasm....the singer seems timid..." i'm not trying to be his muse"...."i'm tempted to say 'boy enjoy dessert".....the singer seems to be indignant about the murder.....the singer seems to have low self-esteem or embarrassment about his job "I'm just a...." maybe the cook is new to the job, but it would seem he would have more emotional distance.....but then again Death Row cooks probably don't cook every day...or that often....Or maybe it's that the song doesn't hero one person's POV.....who is this song about? The cook? the killer? the girl?
Hi james,
Thanks for the attention to the feedback you're always a great man for that! I guess the song is about a day in the life of the cook. How it makes him feel to be serving people who've done terrible things, mixing with his sense of his own place in the world. He might feel a certain way but at the end of the day, he's not a judge, lawyer, deity etc so he'll just get on with his job and i guess try to show a bit of humanity to someone on their last day on earth.
does that make sense? if not and you have any suggestions for clearing up the message or adding anything to it id be happy to hear them!
Thanks again
Ben
"The music business is a cruel and shallow money trench, a long plastic hallway where thieves and pimps run free, and good men die like dogs. There's also a negative side."
Hi Ben,
Thanks for the explanation. Here are a few tie-in ideas that may or may not help:
How it makes him feel to be serving people who've done terrible things, mixing with his sense of his own place in the world.
It reminds me of the show "dirty jobs", so there might be a connection from the attitudes of dirty job workers
and/or
the cook's philosophy could be "Not everyone deserves a second chance, but everyone deserves a last meal" (old line with new twist)
mixing with his sense of his own place in the world.
I haven't seen it yet, but a new film Wreck-it Ralph seems to have a similar theme.
"It's hard to love your job, when no one else seems to like you for doing it... "
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1772341/quotes
James
I have no problem with the mixture of emotions. It's appropriate for the story. The music surprised me. I was expecting more of a dirge or at least a ballad, based on the subject. But it works.
Maybe the reason that the chorus backs off a bit is that it's low in your range. Not sure what your range is, but you could try raising the whole song one step and see what you think.
Renee
