I didn't take the instructions to mean just physical environment. I had been playing around with some minor, minor 7th and minor 9th chords and looking for a way to use them. So I had a head start on the music. I didn't just create it in 2 days.
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=11337331
HOW GOOD IT FEELS TO FEEL SO GOOD
verse:
My life has cycled until it fits
Like growing into hand-me-down clothes.
The time has come when I can admit
It's comfortable growing old.
I wish more friends had made it here.
There are fewer of us every year.
chorus:
How good it feels to feel so good
On a sunny walk through the neighborhood.
verse:
I need no clock to awaken me.
I feel the rhythm of the days.
The winter is a time for sleep.
The summer spent in cool breezeways
Or in the garden tending flowers
Or making music for endless hours.
verse:
A nod, a smile some conversation,
Coffee or wine with friends.
A simple life with few complications.
Not knowing the latest trends.
It may not seem much on its face,
Sometimes the rat wins the race.
Renee
Renee,
Nice! I like the fact that you didn't stay with a physical
place .
The first line of the chorus seems to be a bit repetitive
How good it feels to feel so good
Maybe some like
"It sure is fine to feel so good"
Just my thoughts
John
Repetitive? Yes, it is, but that's my hook. It's the mental feeling good that comes from the physical feeling good, which in turn comes from having low stress, exercising daily and getting enough sleep. Things that I could never do while I was working. But I'll consider a change. "Feelin' groovy" is already taken. Maybe "How good it is to feel so good."
Thanks for the listen and input.
Renee
Hi Renee,
Nice sentiments in the lyrics, I can definitely relate to everything that you describe! :)
Funnily enough I liked that quirky line in the chorus. It looks tautological on the page, but it still seems to make sense. To me (at 65 and creaking, and before reading your response above..) it came over as using the same words to come at two different angles, like this:
"How good it feels" ( mentally, as in happy and contented) "to feel so good" (Partly mental but quite physical as well - as in "it feels great right now to have put down some of the cares of earlier life, and it's such a beautiful day I've forgotten all about the back, the knees and the short term memory loss too... :mrgreen: ).
To me, it looks all wrong, but sounds all right. :wink: One of those occasions whereby you might still get the result you want, not just in spite of breaking the rules but almost because you did... Of course you could easily swap out one "good" or rephrase it, and many listeners may get a different message to me .
Cheers,
Chris
Hi Hobson,
New to the group & this is a first feedback. The message, theme and rhythm of the lyric really resonates with me. The hook works for me the way you sing it. I am wondering about the first person references in the first two verses. The chorus and third verse without the first-person references seem more universal to me. So if the first-person references in the first two verses were removed or changed, something like in the first verse, first line "This life" instead of "My life", third line "one" instead of "I", etc., just some thoughts, take what you like, I hope this helps.
I didn't expect to get many comments on a song about getting old. Just goes to show who is hanging out at the SSG. Thanks to all who took the time to comment.
I like describing the environment from a first person perspective. In fact, I really wanted to continue that in the last verse, but couldn't quite figure out something that fit in the last two lines. I want to keep the reference to a rat who has survived the rat race more or less healthy and sane. BTW, when posting the lyrics I somehow left out the word "much" in the second to last line. I'm fixing it now.
Renee
Hi Rene,
Good start :D I like the set up in the first verse, overall concept and the music; especially some of the arpeggios.
Suggestion:
Consider looking for ways to weave the imagery together between the verses. For example clothes as a metaphor for life. Therefore Vs2 what you wear in leisure activities vs3 not having to put on "the suit" or uniform
For example:
My life has cycled until it fits
Like growing into hand-me-down clothes.
The time has come when I can admit
It's comfortable growing old. ----MAKE A SIMILE -LIKE WORN OUT SLIPPERS
I wish more friends had made it here.
There are fewer of us every year.
...or if you are really liking the rat at the end of the song, introduce her earlier in the other verses representing change, struggles or comforts
Musically, consider lengthening out the melody and have some chord changes under the sustained words to add emphasis. I cam across this fellow doing that.....simple but effect on the chorus....Steve Ison "The Strangest Feeling"
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11023743
As always take or leave what suits.
James
Hi Hobson! Nothing wrong with the first person perspective :!: Done it a few times myself :D , whatever works for you. If you wanted the third verse to have a first person reference too, you could change "A simple life" to "My simple life" or "Not knowing" to "I'll ignore" or in the last two lines could be something like ""I don't have much looking around the place" and "Seems I'm the rat that wins the race" which also matches the syllable count in the 5th and 6th line of the second verse.
