I've been in Phoenix most of this week, so didn't get a chance to polish the lyrics or record, but here's a start:
NEW WHEELS
verse:
Mama told us to come outside
'Cuz she had a nice surprise.
Yours was red and mine was blue.
Brand new cars for me and you.
chorus:
Me and you racing side by side.
Everybody better run and hide.
We were looking for some thrills.
Me and you with our new wheels.
verse:
The wind was whipping through my hair.
I thought I could go anywhere.
Then I saw you grinning wide.
We were cruising, side by side.
verse:
Down the block getting the feel of things.
Flyin' on our brand new wings.
Cornering way to fast.
You laughed out loud as you passed.
verse:
I yelled, "Look out, you hit my car.
Now you've gone way too far.
Don't pedal fast, watch what I do."
When I was three and you were two.
Renee
Hi Renee,
Don't peddle fast, watch what I do."
When I was three and you were two.
:lol: Great punch line! :mrgreen:
My only suggestion would be to play with line lengths to check for contrast between vs and ch, but that's said without a listen, so I might not be an issue.
Thanks for sharing.
James
Pedal cars, thats a different twist on the "first car", you captured the focus of three and two year olds. I like it. Just a thought, I am wondering if a bit more description of the street context in the verses (street noises, Mr./Mrs. ____'s house or their car maybe a parked one that you were "passing", flat/hill, paved/brick/gravel/dirt road, etc.) would help paint the picture, if your intention is a suprise ending more description on the pedal cars themselves would give it away before the "twist". :D
When I started reading this, I was jealous that you started with a brand new car. My emotions changed when you got to "pedal". Grand payoff.
LOL, I never had a new car until I was over 30. My parents never bought me a car of any kind, except the peddle car. No need for jealousy.
We weren't on the street. We were on the sidewalk. So I can't describe that without giving away the punchline. And it's not really about where we "drove," but the fact that we were "driving." I thought we were a bit older when we got those cars, but the dated photograph says otherwise.
I already have some music in mind - recorded a rough draft. I think I'm OK on the line length.
Renee
I forgot that I never posted the music for this one. Finished it a couple of weeks ago, but just uploaded it to Soundclick:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=11673334
Renee
Sounding good :D Interesting string bending on the "chord solo"? Sounded good.
Thanks for sharing.
James
