NO MERCY
http://www.soundclick.com/neilstuart
I told her I loved her just like I told everyone else
I told her I wanted her, I didn’t need anyone’s help
we made love like there would be no tomorrow
had no regrets, no lingering sorrow
But now she has me begging, I’m down on my knees
she shows me no mercy it’s like a disease
I got the fever and it won’t cool down
I’m quarantined and I can’t leave town
no mercy no slack
she won’t let me go I just want to go back
I’m nobody’s man please set me free
I don’t understand what she’s doing to me
I gotta take my medicine that’s her advice
I’ve no other choice no need to think twice
I say it tastes bad she says she doesn’t care
it’s getting worse I haven’t got a prayer
I tell her I’ve learned my lesson, I understand
I ask her to release me, she says she can
but then she says she won’t because she’s mighty sore
and the time has come to settle the score
no mercy no slack
she won’t let me go I just want to go back
I’m nobody’s man, please set me free
I don’t understand what she’s doing to me
she puts me on a leash she walks me through town
she tells me to stand up and then she tells me sit down
she has me in her power I’m under her control
she says I’m hers for life, there’s no parole
I tell her I’m sick, she tells me it’s love
she says get used to it, she won’t wear kid gloves
she said I said I loved her and that’s a fact
she says there’s no returning I can’t go back
no mercy no slack
she won’t let me go I just want to go back
I’m nobody’s man, please set me free
I don’t understand what she’s doing to me
Hi Neil,
good song and performance too. If this was mine I would consider dropping the dog verse completely because the rest of the song uses a sickness/medicine metaphor and so I think the dog metaphor is out of place. Actually you dont need it there anyway cos the song is strong enough to stand on its own without it. In the "I tell her I'm sick verse.." I think I would explore what her feelings are, is she sick too.
Goot work Neil
cheers
Paul
Hi Neil,
Good start :D
Some consideration points for tweaking:
I agree with Paul on dropping the dog metaphor. It's confusing as to what's going on.
she won’t wear kid gloves
In the same way this breaks away from the medical metaphor
and the time has come to settle the score.
....and this as a sports metaphor
Even with the medicine/sickness, you might want to clarify and make the singee one or the other, but not BOTH......right now she is both.
I just want to go back
Go back to what?
I’m nobody’s man please set me free
Where does this claim come from? What is his evidence to support the idea?....also you switch POV from 1st person to 2nd person.....talking about the woman (referring to "she") and now in this line talking to the woman (with the implied "you").
Thanks for sharing.
James
BTW I had a similar song in thought back when I first started with SSG if you care to check it out.
http://forums.guitarnoise.com/viewtopic.php?f=23&t=42782
Thanks all for your comments. Some obviously good points made and rewrites to be done.
Neil
