BLUE MONDAY
http://www.soundclick.com/neilstuart
The third Monday in January, for various reasons, has been touted as the most depressing of the year. It has become known as Blue Monday.
It’s another blue Monday The day of the year when my world comes crashing down and I’m alone, I’m so alone
I only hope one day the memories I have of this time will disappear Along with my fears, with my fears
I wake the next day start over again, and grateful you’re by my side, it’s a different life but how can I pretend that every thing’s alright
I know I love you as much as I can, but is it enough for you, I’ve been through more than I can bare, I’m doing all I can do
Let me love you, let me love you
Blue Monday, go away I’m tired of you getting in the way of my life
Blue Monday, change your colors, I’m tired of the darkness, I just want to be in the light
things change, a new direction, I want to put my past behind me
a second chance, I won’t walk away, what more can I do can’t you see
I just want to love you, let me love you, let me love
Hi Neil,
Good start :D
It seems a bit more free form and that's not a bad thing. The subject of the song reminds me of Bjork's "Hyper Ballad" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZY5JL8DCF0
Suggestion: Recheck the POV....it changes in verse 1 from self-talk to talking to the singee....then in verse 2......from talking to a a personification of Blue Monday to the singee........
......the POV should stay consistent or it gets confusing for the listener.
Example: Change the last line to keep the same POV
a second chance, I won’t walk away, what more can I do can’t you see
I just want to love you, let me love you, let me love
.....in this verse you are singing to a personification of Blue Monday, so it should be........
a second chance, I won’t walk away, what more can I do can’t you see
I just want to love HER, let me love HER, let me love
Also, you might want to start linking your posts directly to you song NOT to your music page.....you never know when you or someone else will go to a previous song and if it's buried in your music pages, it's harder to get to.
For example use this
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12362534
.....instead of this
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=458293
Thanks for sharing.
James
Hi James,
My minds is slowing down. . . . . . took me a bit of rereading to understand what you were saying about the POV changing. But you're absolutely right. Too, good suggestion for linking to Soundclick. As always, thanks for your insight and suggestions.
Neil
It's a good concept. How about chopping and channeling it into a 12 bar blues hotrod? It seems perfect for a blues. This would require a considerable rewrite but I think you will like the result.
