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Y12, W11 - Young Love.


(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 10340
Topic starter  

Here's something you don't see every day....me writing a cheerful, optimistic love song! Remember that first girlfriend I mentioned in the assignment header? Used to drive me mad with Donny Osmond songs.....I even went in my local record shop back then and bought her a David Cassidy LP for her birthday. Got a really strange look from the owner...he was more used to me buying singles by T Rex and Slade, or albums by the Who, the Stones and Status Quo.

This is just a first draft...I had the idea and the first verse a few days ago, got the rest of it while watching the news earlier (which gave me the idea for next week's topic!) and wanted to get it down while it was fresh in my mind.

Anyway, this is my revenge on Donny for all the earache I suffered back then.....

Young Love.

Young love, we were oh so young, love....

I used to hold your hand all the way to school,
We were six years old, I was the king of cool,
I knew then all I ever wanted to do,
Was kiss your cheek and look after you...

Young love, they said we were too young, love...

I used to be at your house at a quarter to eight,
And walk with you to the factory gate,
We'd meet up again for lunch at one,
I couldn't wait till the morning had gone...

Lost love, then I was lost, love....

(BRIDGE) Your father changed jobs, and your family,
Moved away, far away from me,
We lost touch, a million miles apart,
Or so it seemed, but you never completely escaped my heart...

First love, ah, you were the first, love...

A chance meeting after all these years,
Reminiscing with a couple of beers,
Opportunity does't knock on many doors,
I feel so lucky to be with you once more....

Young love, you make me feel so young, love....

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


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(@davidhodge)
Member Moderator
Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 4485
 

Like this a lot, Vic. It's got a great feel, could easily hear it being done in the old doo-wop I-vi-IV-V progression in 6/8.

The second verse, especially, has a wonderful simplicity and economy in the lyrics. It's says a lot without having to spell everything out, which is terrific.

The only suggestion is that you might do away with the chorus (or tag line, if you will) after the second verse:
Lost love, then I was lost, love....

Mostly because the "lost" part doesn't really play into the narrative until the bridge. Maybe go with the "first love" line that comes after the bridge. In fact, you could use that as a chorus all the way throughout, which would probably mean changing the title, too, but I think that would be stronger all around, lyric-wise.

You're on a roll, sir! Looking forward to hearing this at some point and, as always, to more songs coming along.

Peace


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(@vic-lewis-vl)
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Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 10340
Topic starter  

Thanks as always, David.

The single lines are meant to set the scene for the following verse - the bridge, in the case of the one you highlighted, with the last line leaving the present/future to the reader's/listener's imagination.

I suppose I could lose the "lost love" line....it's not a huge part of the song, but then again, on a quick run-through with the guitar it feels right, without it there's a vague sense of something missing....

But, like I said, 'tis but a first draft....I'll mess around with it a little, see if anything better comes to mind.

Strange, this is already starting to feel like a song I'll be playing a lot in the future - that's two in two weeks! Touching wood.....

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


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(@davidhodge)
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Joined: 14 years ago
Posts: 4485
 

Hi again, Vic

And sorry I wasn't being clear. I don't think you should lose the "lost" line as much change it to the "first love" line. "Lost" certainly sets up the bridge, but the listener has no way of knowing that upfront and it might confuse the audience to get the great setup of the second verse and then wonder "why is it 'lost?'" Of course, that might be exactly the reaction you're after, so then go ahead with it.

Song's definitely a keeper!

Peace


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(@john-sargent)
Prominent Member
Joined: 12 years ago
Posts: 948
 

I like it. You could modernize it though and take the "chance meeting" into a social media, Facebook, Twitter type of thing


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(@andygetch)
Reputable Member
Joined: 10 years ago
Posts: 328
 

Nice, just wondering which song was the "anti-inspiration". Was it "I Think I Love You" or another song by The Partridge Family. That was in the running for me . Looking forward to the music :D

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1228093


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(@vic-lewis-vl)
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Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 10340
Topic starter  

Nice, just wondering which song was the "anti-inspiration". Was it "I Think I Love You" or another song by The Partridge Family. That was in the running for me . Looking forward to the music :D

Uh, the clue's in the title....the Donny Osmond song of the same name. Although I have to admit I cheated a little....the girlfriend who inspired this was a huge Donny O fan, but the song that really p****d me off - she played it constantly througout the summer of '72 - was "Puppy Love."I could have worked that into the title AND the lyrics - I thought about it, but decided against it in the end, I just could not do it! I only really knew her from the start of the school holidays in July to the end of September or so, she and her family emigrated to South Africa in early '73. Donny O's version of "Young Love" wasn't released till later on that year.

David Cassidy - and the Partridge Family - were also played a lot. Strangely enough, whenever I hear one of his songs - "Some Kind of a Summer" - that does bring a smile to my face, even though that, too, wasn't released until summer '73.

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


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(@barnabus-rox)
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Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 2976
 

Hey Mr Lewis ,
Yes I am here ( pokes tongue out )
I love the bridge - I read this an it was having a Beatles ring to it , maybe I am just weird huh lol .
Seriously great writing Mr Lewis

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 18 years ago
Posts: 10340
Topic starter  

um, no- not influenced by Beatles, Stones or anyone else I can think of....this one's all ME, or at least I think it is....

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


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(@barnabus-rox)
Famed Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 2976
 

Well being influenced by Vic Lewis is NOT a bad thing after all he got me to come back :) :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D :D

Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am


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 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 2097
 

Hi Vic,

finally getting around to looking at this weeks offerings. I like the song a lot and am in complete agreement with David with regards to swapping the "Lost love..." line with the "First love ..." line or alternatively a little variation like "Lost in love ... instead.

Good song
cheers

Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


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(@sunnydunes)
Active Member
Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 19
 

Hi Vic,

I like it a lot, could become a very catchy song! I am wondering about the factory gate. It suggest you are jumping ahead in time here, but in the bridge she seems to be a child again. Are you referring to schools as educational mass-production, child labor, or one of those freak occurrences which only happen in reality and never in song?


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(@jamestoffee)
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Joined: 13 years ago
Posts: 2852
 

Hi Vic,

It reads well. I like the openness of not knowing what will happen next in the relationship rekindled :D

Thanks for sharing.

James


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