What an interesting assignment. It's quite hard to write about a year you were not exactly awake for. I looked through a few "year in review" types of web sites and wasn't finding myself inspired. Something occurred to me as a result of some pretty impressive First-Grade level math skills. The British Invasion and the JFK Assassination were a year apart. The next thing to pop into my head was to imagine those two events going on as semi-current events and what a strange and confused time it must have been. It's not the first time I've thought of the contrasts that seemed to define the decade, but this time it was on topic for a song assignment.
Here's what I came up with.
I played with a different system of rhyming than one normally would for a song. Sorted of nested within each other, resolving to ".....four___".
ps. I have not come up with a tune of my own yet, but I did have a tune in my head when I wrote this. Two of them, actually. Sinatra's "It Was a Very Good Year" and Elvis's "In the Ghetto".
1964
It was fab-four, by air,
They gave Mom and dads out there,
a pretty good roar.
Paper-boys rode out of sight,
Paul Reveres in the night,
said it's gonna change some more
in nine-teen, sixty-four_____.
The girls jumped and screemed
with Frank and Elvis, it seemed,
hid be-hind_ other doors.
They screamed for these boys,
who viewed them as toys,
and didn't cut their hair any-more___.
in nine-teen, sixty-four_____.
[BRIDGE]
Last year we wept and we prayed___,
watched on as our innocence slayed_____,
and with a young ~mother we mourned.
We stood by her side,
alone the Nation cried,
"What was this for?"
And then it was nine-teen, sixty-four.
We looked out to the Moon,
and in far off lagoons,
for a way to heal the sores.
With Easy Bake Ovens and G. I. Joes we played,
Dad's new Mustang swayed as the
Beatles played_____
In nine-teen sixty-four.
Copyright 2014 - Mongo and the Pawns of Life (RParker and the voices that lay within....)
Roy
"I wonder if a composer ever intentionally composed a piece that was physically impossible to play and stuck it away to be found years later after his death, knowing it would forever drive perfectionist musicians crazy." - George Carlin
I'm thinking Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire" or McLeans "American Pie". I think you need a chorus. Right now you have a refrain but I think it needs more to become anthemic.
Great to see you getting into the writing habit, Roy!
I think this is a pretty good start...well definitely a good start to the week, anyway!
I think you're about the same age (roughly) as me - give a take a year or two, maybe a little younger? From the lyrics, I deduce that...
1) Your family was fairly well off....a new Mustang! My dad thought he was well off when he bought me the Dinky scale model....cost 19shillings, 11pence...a penny short of a pound, when he probably earned no more than £20 per week....
2) You remember the Beatles, but not the other bands I mentioned...at least not back then. I know you love the Stones, so I'm guessing their famous appearance on the Dean Martin Show must have been later in the year, or even '65, and didn't make the same impression?
3) I'm guessing your parents were fairly strict - most were back then! - but liked the family to watch TV together....dunno how much airtime kid's programmes got back then, but as far as TV goes, you were YEARS ahead of us!
How am I doing so far?
Anyway.....I agree with John, I think you need a bigger, fatter chorus. Musically, I'm thinking that along with the Elvis and Francis Albert influence, a nice Rickenbacker 12-string would give you a sort of curious, unique eclectic flavour...sort of out with the old, in with the new. Bet you can find a patch for that...:-;
Keep 'em coming, you're doing great so far!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hi Roy
I'm in the "it's okay without a chorus" camp, apparently. When each verse has the closing punch line of "in nineteen-sixty-four," I think that can adequately serve as a chorus.
I also like the line about "Easy Bake Ovens" and "G.I. Joes," which I think first came out right around that time, too.
The only comment I'd make is about the second verse:
The girls jumped and screamed
with Frank and Elvis, it seemed,
hid be-hind_ other doors.
They screamed for these boys,
who viewed them as toys,
and didn't cut their hair any-more___.
in nine-teen, sixty-four_____.
The way the verse is laid out, it's not that easy to know who's doing what where. From a third reading, I'm assuming it's Frank and Elvis hiding behind the doors but it's the girls who are the "they" screaming in fourth line but it'd the "boys" of the fourth line who are the "who" in the fifth line while the "them" in the fifth line refers back to the girls" and the "their" in the sixth line is the boys. Please understand it's nowhere near as convoluted and I think I'm making it sound, but it certainly could be a little clearer.
Personally, I'm hearing music that's a little more upbeat than either of your choices as I'm going through the lyrics in my head, but that's the cool thing - all sorts of styles could work well with these lines.
Looking forward to hearing it at some point.
Peace
Hi Roy,
Good start :D Nice use of concrete details. Regarding chorus or not, I'd say it depends on the music you choose, but I agree with the comments that the lyrics read in line with an energetic tune.
Thanks for sharing.
James
Thanks for the notes everyone. All good stuff.
If I do the song and if it becomes faster paced, I will probably have to at least expand the and of the verse theme that's repeated. I don't remember why I left one out now. That was so one day ago. I think because I had nothing further to say than it was 1964.
Regarding that faster pace, I'm not sure why I went with a sort of melancholy feel and sound. It doesn't reflect any personal views or anything. It just became that once I thought of the JFK angle and included the post-assassination mind-set as a spring-board into 1964. Perhaps if re-written, the JFK part of the song could be a solemn bridge of sorts?
Vic: I wasn't breathing in 1964, but really close to it. Part-way there by year's end, one might say. Let's see, what else....
re #2; Just the Beatles because that's all I needed. The song is somewhat about the change that seemed to be at least somewhat sparked by successive events. Also, I didn't exactly hear all that well until I was a guinea pig for a Vermont med school several times from 70 through 72. First song I really remember hearing is "American Pie", but I was all over everything and anything that came out of the radio once I could hear it. I was too young and too deaf for the 60's music while it happened.
re #1:Nope, Dad was a farm-hand then and drove old Dodges. I took some song writing liberties. :)
re #3: 1/2 right on the strict thing, and the kids got Saturday Morning airtime.
Vic, re: Rickenbacker patches. I have not found a good 12-string patch yet. I have not really looked in a while, though. Come to think of it, I'm not even sure I could pick out a 12-string 'Rick sound.
David, I see what you're getting at. I'll have to use some more nouns, I guess. :) I think the problem is that I didn't connect the first two verses at all, which is perhaps done by a chorus had I done one as I normally would have? Anyhow, about what's there now - The girls screamed and jumped over the Beatles while the previous heart-throbs of generations past (Elvis and Frank) got out of the way. The last four lines are Beatles-centric and it was the Beatles who viewed the girls as toys.
Roy
"I wonder if a composer ever intentionally composed a piece that was physically impossible to play and stuck it away to be found years later after his death, knowing it would forever drive perfectionist musicians crazy." - George Carlin
I like it and am anxious to see how you fit music to the unusual rhyming pattern. But some of the lines could use more clarity.
Does "fab four, by air" mean that they came to the U.S. on a plane or that the TV broadcasts were over the air?
As David mentioned, what is happening in the second verse is really not clear.
This whole verse (or is it the bridge?) has some good ideas but seems like forced rhyme:
Last year we wept and we prayed___,
watched on as our innocence slayed_____, (has innocence slain something?)
and with a young ~mother we mourned.
We stood by her side,
alone the Nation cried, (if we stood by her side, how is the nation alone?)
"What was this for?"
And then it was nine-teen, sixty-four.
I don't get the reference to "far off lagoons." Vietnam?
The references in this line are great: "With Easy Bake Ovens and G. I. Joes we played," But the line is part of another forced rhyme. You might see this kind of sentence construction in old poetry, but probably not in popular music.
Renee
Does "fab four, by air" mean that they came to the U.S. on a plane or that the TV broadcasts were over the air?
It was meant by plane, as if to tie in to the Paul Revere's ride based on the lights in the church steeple in Boston.
I don't get the reference to "far off lagoons." Vietnam?
Yeah, that one's probably a stretch.
(has innocence slain something?)
I left the word "got" out of the space in front of "slayed". Tough to tell in a written form, although I could have employed italics or something else to indicate my intentions with inflection. Having said that, I am not sure I agree with you on that point. It's fairly common in at least poetry and probably song writing to leave a word out in efforts to allow the melody and the rest of the music to flow better.
On the other references, that's a balancing act I'm barely discovering. As a song listener, I always thought the onus on understanding what the song-writer meant was on me, the listener. The caveat to my belief is that the writer must give the listener a fair chance. That's not always done. Take an example you exposed on the far off lagoon. More to the point and probably a lot more understandable by the masses would be to replace far off lagoon with a far off rice fields and/or jungles. Either change or eliminate the rhyme at that point.
Regardless, an interesting topic. What I don't want to do is to spell absolutely everything out, but I also don't want to utter some incomprehensible garble and call someone stupid because they didn't know ahead of time that, for example, my mentioning of "booger-stasche" was a reference to my sixth grade teacher. I mean, who's gonna know that, right?
Well, this is getting long. Thanks for looking at my song and pointing things out. It's all part of my learning process and helps me a lot. 8) 8)
Roy
"I wonder if a composer ever intentionally composed a piece that was physically impossible to play and stuck it away to be found years later after his death, knowing it would forever drive perfectionist musicians crazy." - George Carlin
How about changing "in far off lagoons" to "in Asian lagoons?" That at least gives a hint.
I think that one of the toughest parts of songwriting is figuring out how specific to be. If you leave it too vague people wonder what the song is about.
Renee
How about changing "in far off lagoons" to "in Asian lagoons?" That at least gives a hint.
Interesting thought. :D
Also interesting is that two people to make mention of that line deduced the same and proper response. To me, that's a perfect example to back up your other comment. (you and my wife both guessed 'Nam)
I think that one of the toughest parts of songwriting is figuring out how specific to be. If you leave it too vague people wonder what the song is about.
Now for the reality - I'm not even sure if Lagoons is a valid body of water in Viet Nam. I wonder when Gilligan's island came out? :lol:
Roy
"I wonder if a composer ever intentionally composed a piece that was physically impossible to play and stuck it away to be found years later after his death, knowing it would forever drive perfectionist musicians crazy." - George Carlin
