Y12W15 - School Days, Cruel Days

Hi Renee

There's a lot of great lines here and potential for more. Writing about a topic like high school (or in this case, reunions) can be tricky - it's easy to be too vague or even too personally specific and finding a good balance can be hard. Especially when you have songs like the Kinks' "School Days" or, in the case of reunions, "The Class of '57" by Don and Harold Reid of the Statler Brothers to serve as yardsticks to measure against.

Your third and fourth verses:
I saw the girl whose name no one knows.
She still has the certificate that shows
That she never missed a single day.
Her only claim to high school fame.

There were those whose names we don't forget.
Though we never knew exactly why they left
Under rumors of pregnancy,
Prison or insanity.

find a great balance, although the phrasing seems a bit more formal than conversational. Of course, that may be in keeping with the music (melody and chords) you may have in mind for the song, so it may work out perfectly well.

Looking forward to more.

Peace

Hi Renee,

Good start. :D The lyrics have a feel of zooming in and out on a topic....and that's a good thing.

Suggestion: Consider putting V1 as the last verse.

Thanks for sharing.

James

Renee, you picked a few scabs here. I was trying to remember the good things from high school, and now this 1964 week put me into 8th grade mode. Your lyric reminds me why I do not wax nostalgic over school days.
I can probably remember 20 miserable things for every good moment that occurred. No wonder I don't want to write anything new this week.

Good job describing the reunion.

Thanks to all of you for taking the time to read and comment. I've revised the lyrics a bit and added a verse. I've had the melody for the chorus running through my head for days, but had nothing for the verses until now.

John, yeah, high school wasn't a happy time for me either. College was so much better.

Here's the mp3:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=12690696

verse:

I went to my twenty-fifth class reunion
Seeking emotional restitution.
I've never gotten over what it meant
To be on the outside looking in.

verse:

Making the rounds, I found little had changed.
Football players relived the big game.
Artists and thinkers still being snubbed,
Belonging only to their own clubs.

chorus:

Oh, school days.
Those were cruel days.
They weren't the golden rule days.

verse:

I felt uncomfortable with my peers
During those adolescent years.
They laughed at those in distress,
Celebrated failure and mocked success.

chorus

verse:

I saw the girl whose name no one knows.
Mention the certificate that shows
That she never missed a single day.
Her only claim to high school fame.

verse:

Some whose names we won't forget.
Never sure why they left
Among whispered rumors of pregnancy,
Prison or insanity.

chorus

verse:

Stories of three who died after graduation
After too much celebration.
Life lost in a night of recreation,
Never having to meet expectations.

chorus

Hi Rene,

Nice work on the mp3. It sounds like you're more comfortable with your playing...like you have good control of what you want it to do...sounding good! :D

Nice chord progression on the verses.

Suggestion: This might me more personal preference, but the chorus sounds too cheerful...consider using more minor chords to match the angst.

Thanks for sharing.

James

I had thought a couple lines to be a mouthful to get out, but you made it work just fine.

I kept waiting for another line in the choruses, along the lines of a resolution of sorts. The minor chord suggestion might work. something along the lines of what you have, but with a second iteration ending with a minor chord.

I agree that the chorus was sparse and maybe that it was too upbeat. I've recorded a second version with some different chords in the chorus. Instead of this:

D
Oh, school days.
D
Those were cruel days.
G A D
They weren't the golden rule days.

I now have this:

D D
Oh, school days.
Bb
Those were cruel days.
C Am D
They weren't the golden rule days.

I changed one word in verse 4. I prefer the word "certificate" in my original version, but it's hard to sing with the accent in the right place. Now I'm stumbling over the easier word "award."

I also stretched out the chorus with some guitar, which includes a homage to the original 1907 song "School Days," by Will Cobb and Gus Edwards. For comparison, I've left my first version on Soundclick and posted the revised version here:

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=832466&songID=12693165

I like the revised version better :D