Not sure about this one. I know it's a little strange and meandering, but oh well...
As a child you were caught on the cord
Took you four years to say your first word
The mannequins made you very afraid
You turned to the church to try and be saved
The light for you just couldn’t be found
You were lost at sea and about to drown
The man in black heard your call
He caught you before your last fall
C:It doesn’t matter if your early or late
The master has chosen, your bound by fate
Relinquish your goals into the eternal hole
Where free will sleeps and the bells toll
Your choices aren’t yours alone
The master guides you to his throne
Up there he sits with the eternal gaze
Pulling your strings through the maze
He has his symbols on the wall
You clasp your hands and start to bawl
The shadows form into a tomb
Where rays of light cannot intrude
C:
The master weighs you on the scale
You slide down the golden rail
Until you see what waits below
The skin of the earth you overthrow
You finally see the light again
Up from the tomb up from the den
The master says its time to fill
The prophecy that forces you to kill
Everything you can and will. Em/Dm
Everything you can and will Em/Dm
C:
V: Dm/Am
Em/Dm
C: Em/Am
Em/Am
Dm/Am
Em/Am
Hi wilcoman,
Not sure about this one. I know it's a little strange and meandering, but oh well...
Agreed....but kudos for getting something started :wink:
Seems like the message might be trying to say too much ..... the idea that seems to come across is from cradle to grave there is no free will.
"Life long" songs are supposed to be the hardest to write.
Suggestion: Consider putting in clear transitions throughout the various stages of life....maybe examples of the singee trying to be in control but failing/fooled
It could probably use a simple title line repeated 4 times for a chorus.
One more suggestion is to start off a song with a title first and use it as an guide to make sure the lines all support that idea in some way.
What music do you hear?
Thanks for sharing. :D
James
Thanks again for the suggestions. One of these next times, I'll definitely try the title first way...
It is about this man not having any free will, but it's supposed to be more like he is controlled by some "master" either a real person or some sort of entity? Might try to clarify at some point using more specific examples...
I hear this one as a dark folky tune in the vein of Leonard Cohen. Since my tools are limited most of these are just acoustic fingerpicked/strummed ideas, but might change eventually. I'm pretty self-conscious about my singing and playing, but I'll probably post some real rough versions of these with just me and my acoustic soon.
