hello..... here it is.
You cut my wick.
Trembling on the porch I lie
Closer to the earth and my
Ear to the wood
At the place we were stood
Naked feet's heat has gone
Irony creeps into my bones
Clumsy
Cold
Stone
Why would I raise my head
If there's no one else
Why would I force my lungs open
If there's no one present
Why would I bother anymore
To gain the tinder you stored
You cut my wick.
The flames are extinguished.
You cut my wick.
The craving relinquished-
You cut my wick
…and I was almost in high spirits when you did it.
You did me in.
I even have a kind of melody/how to sing it but I'm afraid it is not entirely mine- sounds a bit like a song I've been listening to a lot last week.
I'll see if I'm right or wrong/if I can figure out sth. else.
cheers,
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Nice song. Awesome imagery in the first verse Trembling on the porch I lie
Closer to the earth and my
Ear to the wood
At the place we were stood
Naked feet's heat has gone
Irony creeps into my bones
Clumsy
Cold
Stone
I can imagine someone lying in the foetal position with all the vulnerability that implies. The only thing that worries me is the "Stone" in the last line cos' the guy is lying on a wooden porch. I guess he is as cold as stone.
Good work.
i love the beginning of this it's great espeically the line about irony! I'd really like to hear it!
Again, it's a jaw-dropper. Especially the first verse. Just great. Keep it up!
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
Hey blue night
That's a lovely song. Your writing style has got alot more focused since I last dropped by this forum. Your choice of words was great. The imagery works really well.
The only bit that doesn't really work for me are the 1 word lines at the end of the first verse. I think the song would be better without them but that's just my thought.
The last 2 lines of the song are really good.
Beren
I'm one too many mornings and a thousand miles behind
hey;)
thanks guys!
I got chords for the "You cut my wick---you did me in"part now, but none for the first half..... if and when I got those I can tell about the 1word lines that bothered you, Beren:) thx for the nice comments.
thank you all.
cheers,
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Works great for me.....I can see this done at a really slow - almost funereal - beat, with the lyrics half-spoken, building up to a big finish.... you been listening to the Doors this week, Anne?
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
thanks;)
actually it's been damien rice... but I like the doors, too:)
take care,
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
you can hear it now... if you like... rough recording, as always, but you'll get the idea...;) http://www.soundclick.com/whateverkeepsyouupatnight
comments appreciated:)
cheers,
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
