Y3week12 "Yellow bird"

You're just taking the mickey aren't you?
You are laughing at those of us who struggle to write something each week.

Fair enough!! When it's all this good, I wouldn't dream of stopping you.
Left for the leafy sky like a yellow birdthat's a great line. Wonderful imagery.

However, I've got to admit, I'm not sure I've really got a hold of this one.
It may well just be me; it's late, I'm tired and not in the best of moods but I can't quite put together the bigger picture yet. It might not be your writing.

Maybe I'll have another go tomorrow.

But it's almost brilliant, anyway!

G

i think this is about the greatest feeling of adventure. i love it because it's how i'm trying to make myself feel. leave everything behind without burning bridges. running away but not from your problems. seeking life instead of just taking the guided tour.

and the "left for a leafy sky like a yellow bird." is a) fun to say. b) paints better than oils c) sums everything up wonderfully.

i don't know what that maximillion guy sounds like. but i hear "singin in the rain" meets "ask" by the smiths when i read this. feel good hip shaker!

hey angel,

very nice work. really like the chorus line, and the bridge. The bridge is... frankly exceptional. Really strong emotive imagery.
I dont mean to sound presumptious, and i say this only because i feel i am often guilty of it, but it feels like you came up with a few lines you really liked, (the chorus/bridge, a perhaps a verse) and then wrote the rest to try and fill the other parts... though it probably due to the fact we're confined to the specific strucutre for this weeks assignment
anyways, great writing
sozay

hey angel

you continue to amaze me with such wonderful work as this , turely unbelievable and you have done it twice .

well done

cheers
L.K

You are laughing at those of us who struggle to write something each week. no I'm not! would never dare to.... actually I feel like the weeks I post more than one song are those I'm never really satisfied with what I do and just keep writing..

I like the way you think about the song, geoffrey. I really recommend listening to m.hecker if you haven't yet(maybe try amazon.com? or http://www.maximilian-hecker.com ). though it's kinda a bit more mellow than you might be imagining it now.. you'll see.

sozay.... so you're trying to say some parts of the song can't keep up with the bridge/chorus..? :cry: if you feel like that.. maybe the music will make up for it? (still to come though..)

thank you all very much for your input :D
bluenightangel

Well, today I am more awake at least. The others are right - this is great!

I personally don't think that the verses are lacking compared to the rest. Or at least without them, the chorus and bridge wouldn't have the same impact.

I am getting the song in a different (much darker...) way than Geoffrey though, so maybe it's different for Sozay as well.

Well done BNA, maybe I'll be able to stop commenting on your writing and do some of my own now!!

(kidding)

G

Good writing blue! Not a lot to say here, but i figured it was worth a post! I like the last verse =D Make it the strongest!

hey angel,

dont get me wrong, i really like this song. I think gjbrake in some way highlighted what i was trying to get at. The verse and bridge are so 'bright' in terms of imagery. i can see the yellow bird tkae off through a tree aflame with autumn leaves. The intense feeling of something brushing your heart... the verse are just as strong, it perhaps that they are comparatively dark. though that is probably a good contrast. the whole song is sad and wistfully, and the dark (imagery-wise) verse contrast the brighter chorus/bridge.
i have a feeling this makes even less sense than my first post... but hopefully it makes some kind of sense

cheers
sozay

I had to look at this a few times before I could comment....

It's a lovely subtle piece, at first read I thought it was going to be a sweet song.....but after a second read I realised there's a much darker side to it...

Quite easy to put music to as well, lends itself nicely to major 7th chords for the chorus, couple of min7ths in the verses....

:D :D :D

Vic

The verse and bridge are so 'bright' in terms of imagery
perhaps .. funny, because they're actually sad, too.. I mean you can't for your life remember what you wanted to say and you got your heart on your tongue but it is no good(the word escapes and touches the heart on the tongue as it leaves your mouth).
thanks for posting again, sozay :D
Quite easy to put music to as well
...so does that mean you would like to make the music for this, vic ? :wink: would be great, as I only got a very vague idea of how I want to sing it and almost no idea for the actual music(instruments). been fooling around with an old (children's) keyboard.. was fun.. though I dunno if it was any help.
if you really want to I could make a recording of how I'd sing it and then you could record the music... (please say yes :wink: ). deal?

:lol:
bluenightangel

"sell me some anaesthete/Make it the strongest/So i'll plunge into the thickest, oh relief's approaching, the Sickest darkness"

Your lyrics always make us think a bit (or a lot). Top notch as always--the dog 8) 8)