hey. this assignment seemed familiar... pretty sure we've done something like that before... but didn't make it easier, it was the opposite..... I dunno, there's not much geometrical shapes in there.... more in the way of logical thinking(or not being able to).
sue
There is something peculiar about my perception
Things always tend to take on shapes that fit no criteria
No algorithm, no binocular sees what they really are
They may seem spherical, but it's spectral, spectral
An illusion of the mathematic mind
Sue me for my lack of faith in symmetry
That has me circling like a vulture above
A tangle of thoughts,
In an attempt to sort out cause and effect, but in fact
Merely confusing the threads even more
Sue me for my inability
To get any closer to what you mean
By saying “At night, the rats are sleeping"
I tried completing that sketch in the drawer of your desk
To realize my confusion shows eventually
And if only in the irregularity of the lines due to my hands trembling
But you have always known
You knew what you were getting yourself into
You say you didn't, but I think you did know
You know me now, don't you
I'm Sue, Sue suing herself for her lack of grasp
it's more of a draft than anything... especially the last line of each of the last two verses. anyway, I'm still very busy so I thought I might post now in case I won't get around to it later.
so here it is.
comments appreciated as always.
cheers,
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
olther than the last line, i like it. the rest is cool, quite lyrical, but the last line just doesn't work for me. "lack of grasp" doesn't really work, and sue suing herself is just trying too hard to be clever and it's probably a pain to sing.
Okay, I've said this before and I'll say it again. You have some really great lines, Angel. Thing is, I somehow always have this picture of you sitting with a dictionary and a thesaurus in front of you, trying to find the cleverest translation for what you want to say. Please don't take that as a slam, because I think it's amazing that you can translate this well. But just to show you what I mean, I hope you won't take umbrage if I play with your lyrics a bit. I did this at first as an exercise just for myself because I liked something about your poetry and wanted to simplify and find a rhythm. So maybe this doesn't work for you (or anyone else), but I'm gonna give it a shot. I don't think I changed any of your meaning (unless I really didn't get it--though oddly, I am starting to get you), I just got rid of the extra words you don't need to get your point across. Hope you don't mind. If you do, I'm sorry, and it won't happen again.
Joe
Sue
There is something peculiar about my perception
Things take on shapes with no criterion
No algorithm to what they really are
They seem spherical, but they're spectral
An illusion of the mathematical mind
Sue me for my lack of faith in symmetry
That has me circling like a vulture above
A tangle of thoughts
In an attempt to find cause and effect
Merely confusing the threads even more
Sue me for my inability
To get any closer to what you mean
I tried completing that sketch in the drawer of your desk
But my confusion shows eventually
In the irregularity of the lines from my hands trembling
But you have always known
What you were getting yourself into
You say you didn't, but I think you knew
You know me now, don't you
Of course you do
I'm Sue
hey
the last line just doesn't work for me. "lack of grasp" doesn't really work
brothertupelo, you're right, I didn't like it that much either, but as I said it's more are draft than anything so I'm happy to change it or leave it out. I like Joe's suggestion to shorten it to "I'm Sue", that's something I'm considering at the moment.
joe, I don't mind, it's interesting to see how you would've done it. there are some places I would rather have the way I did them, but there are also lines, like the one mentioned above, where your suggestions are a lot better. thanks for that!
I don't have the mind for it right now, but I'll surely think about it later and let you know if something worked out.....
thanks:)
cheers,
bluenightangel
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
