Y3week5 "13 people hurt"

...
In your own obsession with everything you've messed up without learning a lesson
...

That gets my vote!

Hi'a Blue,

Gotta admit, I picked up the meaning on the first read ( for a change ) and really like it , but, it is very complex and if so many people didn't get it , I think you could make it all a little less subtle without loosing the checkmate and meaning behind the song.

I think it is worth working on ........

Go well
Ja'mir :wink:

hi:)

obsession is a great suggestion, thanks a lot!

ja'mir, I'm glad you also got the song :wink: I really tried making it less subtle today... yet every line I looked at seemed to be hard to change, means I couldn't think of how else to say it and also didn't really want to change that much.. I'll post a little revision, though. I'm afraid it's not even slightly less subtle, but hey, it doesn't have to be subtle, has it?

anyway thank you, too. hope you don't feel like I'm rejecting your suggestion without even trying, I did try!

here it is(I let the news-background-idea expand a bit.. not sure if it seems authentic though- feel free to speak your mind :wink: ):

13 people hurt

Misleading numbers in the news, you never care, do you
They say 13 people hurt in another massacre
You stay unimpressed, why cry for stranger's deaths
And why bother with them suffering when you could as well be wallowing
In your weird obsession for everything you've messed up without learning a lesson

13 people hurt
Hurt

You're seeking shelter in that pitch-black hooded sweatshirt
Hide your trembling face, no psychiatric footage
You want to get laid, why, you're already checkmate
In a first pass knee-jerk reaction I'm thinking I still wanna get some
You're dragging me across the floor; I just can't see the lines of chalk no more
The ones I've drawn before your bed, right opposite the door
So I would not again relapse, simply ‘cause you look so hurt

[you hear a reporter clearing his throat]
Sweden, hours later,
The extents of the terrible incident still ..................... you look so hurt
Can barely be described reasonably,
As far as the folks here know for sure:................why care 'bout 13 other
13 people are hurt.......................................................people hurt
While the police refused to reveal any details............when you look so
The country holds its breath..........................................distraught
This was BBC World news from Sweden,...................you look so hurt
We'll be back in half an hour. Stay tuned..........................so hurt

cheers,
bluenightangel