hey.. definitely one of those hey-where-you-going-now-songs... see for yourself;-)
Exhaling July
I watched you sleeping
On a bus to Sweden
With eyes that were swimming
And a chest heavy with longing
In that hand across a belly I saw
Mornings of waking to grown suns
And wide-eyed mouth-touching
It summoned up an orange juice kiss
That I will miss
For as long as the future plans ahead
I watched your delicate art
On a bus through Denmark
With eyes that were swimming
And a chest heavy with longing
The miles on the long run
Mocked me like that song on repeat
For an army of lost heartbeats
Indeed, I was approaching two fine weeks
[and, my friend, I hope you forgive me]
But if I could have turned around
I'd rather have been with a bird
That was, and luckily still is,
The world to me
and i am
i am
am i
all that he needs
no, i doubt it
but he is
he is
oh, he is
all that i need
And every word that I write will eventually lead
To a place so familiar after one and a half years
Every song that I write and never sing
In a way ends up being
About him again and again
I watched your affection
On a bus to Copenhagen
With a mind replacing faces
And a notion of what grace is
.... there you have it:-)
let me know what you think
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Straycat
I like this for the most part but you manage to lose me in a couple of
places.
Here I get totally lost and seems out of place with the rest of the song
It summoned up an orange juice kiss
That I will miss
For as long as the future plans ahead
And this part sounds to me to be a little too intimate for the subject matter
and i am
i am
am i
all that he needs
no, i doubt it
but he is
he is
oh, he is
all that i need
On the other hand I really like this part
And every word that I write will eventually lead
To a place so familiar after one and a half years
Every song that I write and never sing
In a way ends up being
About him again and again
John
I'm not too sure what to think of this, to be honest.....
The usual criteria apply - imagery's there in bucketloads, the story's a little tighter than, say, a couple of years ago... just have a feeling that this will be a total pain to put music to......
I liked the "orange juice kiss" line, but don't see why you'd miss it....you're still going to Denmark together....
This was the verse that didn't seem quite right to me....
"I watched your affection
On a bus to Copenhagen
With a mind replacing faces
And a notion of what grace is"
The third line - "With a mind replacing faces" doesn't quite seem to fit....maybe something like:
"And unfamiliar faces,
Some graceful, some graceless"...
just a suggestion of the top of my head.......
But as usual, it'll take me another couple of DEEP reads to understand what you really mean.....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hi Straycat
As usual your stuff is jam packed with imagery but some of this is passing 6 feet above my headand I'm quite tall. :wink:
However, the parts I do understand come across really well. The verses that all start 'I watched you...' are really good and for me link the rest of the song- which comes across to me as one of longing - together and give me a point of reference. Just don't quite know where to go with it. :)
Good imagery though
Bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
sorry, guys... seems you need an explanation;-)
the song is based on my trip to sweden last summer. we went there by bus, actually 3 buses,(going through denmark, to copenhagen.. and then stockholm). we= my friend tina (whom i'm addressing as "my friend" somewhere near the end) and me. during that drive in the 2nd bus (through denmark, to copenhagen) i was listening to "better be" by anna ternheim(repeatedly, so that's where "on repeat for an army.." comes from) and couldn't help watching this couple over there, sleeping in a cute embrace that made me think their love was picture-perfect... and reminded me of my valentine, who was at that time on holidays with friends, in germany. so the "orange juice kiss" part is what they made me think of... that kiss thing is an insider though.. i did not expect anyone to get it;-)
as for the intimate part not fitting the assignment.. i did start with writing about a couple i did know nothing about and suddenly (as even explained in the song) the whole thing is about valentine again... it's like he is everywhere and in every song... so i tried.. but it ended up in a familiar vein for me:-)
"the mind replacing faces" is hopefully clear now with the things said above.. (in case it isn't: i was replacing the couple's faces with valentine's and mine.. seeing ourselves in them)
sorry for confusing you so much.
i didn't realize it was so difficult to get an idea of what i was trying to say:-)
hope it helped.
thank you all for commenting:-)
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
