hands full of cherries
three hands full of cherries
one holds your back
as we face an early sundown
spilling over the garden, drowning the lawn and our wedding tree
covered with blossoms in our memory
some people keep cassettes in tapedecks
like an album of photographs
we have neither but instead
took to watching the seasons of a cherry tree
spring is wedding
“we don't need a thingâ€
summer walked us to the necessary
that in autumn we called luxury
and in winter, oh winter, we looked like our parents
worn-out faces, tired embraces, a coldness of hands seeking lost spaces
but when April saw to the cherry blossoms' renewed reign
we left our flat, climbed back up the trunk
to the cave of white and green where we'd once kissed so confidently
they may laugh at us now
yet as you sit on my lap
as i'm holding your back
three hands full of cherries
seem a mighty lucky escape
three hands full of cherries
are all that we need.
do you think the fifth line of the last bit is too forced maybe?
i got the idea from a story called "der ernst des lebens" (the seriousness of life) by i-don't-know-whom... it's about a couple marrying in a cherry tree and at first thinking they need nothing but each other to live a good life, but gradually starting to collect more and more things (from kinda necessary ones like a flat, a bed... to stupid ones like a glass cabinett..). they become distant and selfish... until, one day, they realize their mistake, their conservativeness(look like parents) and go back to living on a tree.... really cute/funny story...
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hi'a
I like the idea here but am battleing with the very long lines. and complex timing structure.
This is only a problem if you sing classic ballad or folk (I think), :?
For example
in the first verse only one line has 15 syllables
spilling over the garden, drowning the lawn and our wedding tree
and this verse has different timing lengths all through it.
and in winter, oh winter, we looked like our parents (11)
worn-out faces, tired embraces, a coldness of hands seeking lost spaces (15)
but when April saw to the cherry blossoms' renewed reign (14)
we left our flat, climbed back up the trunk (9)
to the cave of white and green where we'd once kissed so confidently (15)
I do like the way you have aged with metaphors, really good.
Hope this is some help
Go well
Ja'mir
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
Jamir has a point, it is hard to get a rhythm of a song when all the lines are different length - I was brought up in the Roy Orbison school of writing though, if it's too long or too short I'll squeeze it in or drag it out.....
This song seems more like a poem than a song though - almost freestyle verse - it'd be a hell of a job to put music to it - did you have some idea of the music while you were writing the lyrics? Or do you write the lyrics first, then add music later? I always try to have a vague idea of a rhythm and a melody when I'm writing a lyric - I find it helps to keep the song tight.
You might want to try this as an exercise - pick a poem from any anthology and write music for it. I've tried it a couple of times - I tried Thomas Gray's "Elegy In A Country Churchyard" - not too hard, as it's perfectly rhythmical, then Shelley's "Ode To A Skylark" - got nowhere with that one, didn't seem to keep any sort of pattern.....
Just pick a couple at random, try it!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
hey..
yes, the length/free verse thing again.... i know i know.... yes, i do write without music in my head lamost always... yes, i ought to try more to make it singable... :-) i've always had a problem with syllables and metre and stuff... and my lovely english teacher managed to spoil me completely for metre... we had to write a shakespearian sonnet... iambic pentametre.. uh... took me like 5 revisions and cost a lot of nerves...
well, i think i'm writing in that well-let's-try-make-it-sound-good-to-me-and-forget-the-music-till-it's-written-down-way... and if it proves difficult to be set to music.. i don't bother... then it's but a poem.. i actually seldom feel like trying to put something to music (i know i should) ... i think i am not very good at that...
uh.. "elegy in a country churchyard"... we discussed that one in one of our seminars this semester... quite lengthy;-)
it's a good piece of advice, vic. i should really get myself to do that:-) let's see..
the "tapedecks" just had to be in there as "cassettes in tapedecks" belongs together for me somehow... naturally belongs together... in a bright eyes song it's like "put the cassette in the tapedeck and let that fever play"... so i never questioned it... but maybe you're right;-)
thanks everyone.
i know i'm a mess;-)
sorry.
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
