hey. late one...
Chords of doubt weigh you down
Let your hair down
Strum the chords of doubt
And walk into rainbows
With your eyes closed
Confuse reality and dream
Ignore carousel trees
Play that song down
For the second time now
You who clench your fist
Like a bad habit you could not quit
Pull these curtains back a bit
See this ribbon tumbling down
From a pallid balloon cloud?
Your fingers are holding it.
Bear this knowledge like a treasure in your head
And I swear when we meet at sunset
You will have lost weight.
.. last line sounds like anorexia.. weird.. hope you know what i mean anyways..
cheers
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Interesting lyrics. Looking forward to seeing this evolve. If you want to make it sound less "anorexic" maybe you can say something like-- "You will weigh much less." This way you even kind of get a rhyme in that last line. Not quite sure what you're going for, so maybe not, but as I said, looking forward to watching this evolve.
Joe
HEY STRAY CAT
Sorry caps ..
I read this again and again and now I decide to post a reply ( sorry for the lateness )
For some reason when I read your songs I hear some gently picked guitar with harps in the back ground { I can't explain it }
But this one I am thinking Grunge I'm thinking loud big guitars
Then a real calmness for this verse
"Bear this knowledge like a treasure in your head
And I swear when we meet at sunset
You will have lost weight. "
I like it and my ideas are probably no where near where yours are ..But I just had to share that thought with you on this one ..
Well done Ms Straycat
trevor
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Straycat,
I agree that "Confuse reality and dream" is a great line.
It just might work even better as "Confusion reality and dreams"
But that's minor.
I think what you are trying to say in the last line would be
more along the lines of "Your weight will be lifted" which
would sound less anorexic.
John
I think John's suggestion is perfect. It conveys what I think you were trying to, and it even rhymes.
hey..
late reply, sorry.. i am so passive over the holidays.. eating and sleeping is all i am capable of :-)
peter, i didn't have that in mind when writing, but yes, i see how it fits.. i don't really know.. i guess i just meant what i said, rather straightforward and general picture of someone doubting and beginning to lose the sense of what he actually still does have..
trevor, your grunge idea for the music is not something i would have thought of, but could work really well, i think.
thank you, joe. i am thinking it over..
thanks for your suggestion, john, but i'd rather keep "confuse reality and dream" (your suggestion changes meaning too much for me).
as for the last line, i think i like john#s idea best.. sounds good in my head.
thank you all for commenting;-)
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
