Hi, I know this is still rather rough in some (many) places (so please excuse me), but as it's Sunday and late I thought I'd still post it anyway. See it as a draft. Thanks to Ken Rogers for suggesting an artist :D I'll tell you at the end of the post, in case anyone wants to have a guess (don't think it's guessable though :wink: ). Here goes:
Go on
My fingers tremble in the night air
And this old head is heavy with light ale
I stare out from my white chair
Films flicker across my eyes
I can't go on
They just go on
In one of those dead end streets of Bristol
A boy on the pavement ‘fore a threshold
With drops for his dry eyes and no more
Patience for his mom's cries and her needle
Sewing up the holes in his jeans and their life
When Sue dyed his hair all those Mondays
The cars sped past them without drift or sound
He still hears her say “I best like strawberryâ€
And that morning when he whispered
“I can't go onâ€
She said “go onâ€
Tuesday he walked through a restaurant
Where she sat nodding to her friend
She wore the shirt he'd once brought her
From a concert when she lay ill in bed
And coughed at him to make him join her
When he met her wandering gaze
The trees were felled ‘round him, visible
His first instinct was to run like a rabbit from an open field
Or a stray dog from a backyard, but he did neither
He couldn't go on
Too in awe to go on
He was back in his hometown on Wednesday
A business trip, can't come visit, he replied
To his mother asking which cake he'd like
Then he was aimless two hours early
And tried to blend in with a crowd
Of tourists with their maps out
And the bored lecture of their guide
Who turned sideways for trivia
He twitched at the sight of her profile
Memory said “you can't just go onâ€
He lowered his head and went on
On go on go on
Now thank God it's Friday, boy
The week was too protracted
And I heard of your loss, your nephew told me
But my feet don't carry me to your entry way
Well, and I guess, Sue, you've moved again
Besides I have my own stitched up life now
All dressed up for the weekend in these cardboards
While I'm stuck in an empty row of white chairs
In front of a white screen, waiting for the film to begin
I can't go on but
I can't possibly go on
But I'll go on
I'll go on in the end
I can't go on, no
I'll go on
I can't go on, oh
I'll go on
I can't go on
I'll go on
Okay, here is Ken's suggestion:
I'd like to here a ballad from you.
And by that I mean a song that tells a story.
Like Taxi or Cat's Cradle by Harry Chapin. didn't see that, did you? :lol:
and that beautiful line of "I can't go on, I'll go on" is the title of a James Joyce poem that I just stumbled across when researching a paper today :wink:
Hope I at least managed to get noticably out of my comfort zone :wink: I did try.
Cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hey Anne :D
Nope.... Didn't get the Harry Chapin thing until you mentioned it at the end.
Then, Yeah.
Good Job!
The first verse reminded me of Ingmar Bergman's 'Persona' for some reason.
I can't explain it.... It just struck me instantly upon reading it.
Then when I got to the 'when Sue dyed his hair' part, I was left with an indelible Johnny Cash feeling....
Which had me trying to match the rest of the song with a Cash rhythm! :)
Although in the Sue verse, you have 'I best like strawberry'.... Which brought me back to Bergman's 'Wild Strawberries'!
Ahhhh well.
I'll have to read it a few (dozen) more times I guess :D
Loved it!
Ken
"The man who has begun to live more seriously within
begins to live more simply without"
-Ernest Hemingway
"A genuine individual is an outright nuisance in a factory"
-Orson Welles
Well I certainly wouldn't have got Harry Chapin, but then all I'm familiar with of his work is "Cats In The Cradle" and "WOLD" - the first thing that struck me about this was it read like a Springsteen song would read if Bruce had been born in England!
Funny, but when CitiZenNoir was discussing my song, he used Hendrix's "The Wind Cries Mary" as an example of how to tie all the verses together with a developing line....you've done exactly that here with the variations of "I can't go on...."
Just a linguistic slip to point out....you wouldn't say "I best like Strawberry"....you'd say "I like strawberry best."
And a very minor point - "I stare out from my white chair
Films flicker across my eyes"
I've got the mental image of the old guy in string vest sitting watching TV with the light off - I think it'd read better as "film flickers across my eyes".....
Great song, I can visualise every scene (in grainy black-and-white, thanks to Ken!) in my mind's eye. But I'll tell you what - I might not have guessed Harry Chapin, but if someone had shown me these lyrics without the author's name I'd have said "Straycat" before the end of the second line.....................
Oh yes - what are you thinking musically? For some reason I'm thinking Piano.....
:D :D :D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
:lol:
LOL!!!!
Sorry about the grainy B&W images Vic :mrgreen:
It was precisely the 'old man' visual with the 'I stare out from my white chair; Films flicker across my eyes'
That gave me the feeling of Persona's intro:
WARNING: Sweedish Art Film! May be visually offensive to some veiwers.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gb0R6KIopnQ&feature=related
So many times, Straycats lyrical imagry has led me to 'see' her songs in a very Bergmanesque way....
And that's def. a compliment! :wink:
Ken
"The man who has begun to live more seriously within
begins to live more simply without"
-Ernest Hemingway
"A genuine individual is an outright nuisance in a factory"
-Orson Welles
So many times, Straycats lyrical imagry has led me to 'see' her songs in a very Bergmanesque way....
And that's def. a compliment! :wink:
I strongly agree with this statement. I always find her lyrics very visual.
Wouldn't have guessed Chapin right off but rereading it I could see it working
although that Straycat quality is still there.
Just a linguistic slip to point out....you wouldn't say "I best like Strawberry"....you'd say "I like strawberry best."
And a very minor point - "I stare out from my white chair
Films flicker across my eyes"
These are the exact areas I was going to point out but Vic beat me to it.
And this old head is heavy with light ale
Great line and quite Chapinesque for that matter.
John
Ken, I can see exactly what you mean about the intro to "Persona" but I have to say that's the strangest piece of film I've seen either this century or the last 43% of the last century! "Weird" doesn't cover it - and yet I found myself wondering what was going to happen next.....
I know you love the film noir genre - just thought I'd let slip that I watched (and enjoyed!) "The Third Man" for the umpteenth time this afternoon....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Very artsy stuff.
Like Ken, I had to go back and read it.
Just when I was getting a handle on a scene, it jumped to another and it was another day of the week. The Bergman video pretty well portrayed it.
How did D. Hodge describe this board?
“The Sunday Songwriters club is a stretching exercise for your mind. Arpeggios for the brain cells, so to speak."
Good job on stretching my brain, Straycat. And I'm just doing the reading, not the writing.
Like Vic, I'm going to pick out one line that doesn't sound right.
The week was too protracted. Maybe The week seemed never ending.
I don't think anyone uses protracted, at least not in ordinary conversation.
Maybe prolonged would be a better word or just plain long.
But I'm still puzzled about the relationship between the mother and son.
That just didn't come across to me.
In your last poem it was the birds that threw me, this time it was the trees.
Going to stop before my brain becomes deformed from being stretched.
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Ken, I can see exactly what you mean about the intro to "Persona" but I have to say that's the strangest piece of film I've seen either this century or the last 43% of the last century! "Weird" doesn't cover it - and yet I found myself wondering what was going to happen next.....
I know you love the film noir genre - just thought I'd let slip that I watched (and enjoyed!) "The Third Man" for the umpteenth time this afternoon....
:D :D :D
Vic
LOL!!!!!!!!!!!
Aaaaaahhhhhhh.... You crack me up Vic :D
The film after that sort of takes on a 'normal' narrative.... If 'normal' can ever be applied to a Bergman film!
It's a very interesting movie.
I've seen it about 20 times now.... I think that I finally got over the beauty of the cinematography enough in the last three viewings to start to unravel the films meaning a bit!
Oooooooohhhhhhhhhh! The Third Man!
Such a GREAT movie.
American Noir with a British/European feel!
Doesn't get any better than Harry Limes' Cuckoo Clock speech:
"In Italy for 30 years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love - they had 500 years of democracy and peace, and what did that produce? The cuckoo clock."
Just a linguistic slip to point out....you wouldn't say "I best like Strawberry"....you'd say "I like strawberry best."
And a very minor point - "I stare out from my white chair
Films flicker across my eyes"
These are the exact areas I was going to point out but Vic beat me to it.
I'm afraid that I have to disagree here guys (maybe not quite a disagreement :wink: )
When Straycat writes something like - I best like strawberry - it makes total sense to me.
I understand that she has in fact asked for you (Vic) to point out such things....
Though, for me.... It's the fact that English is not her first language and those peculiar little things that
she often says that give it that distinct Straycat flavor.
Does that make any sense :|
Ken
"The man who has begun to live more seriously within
begins to live more simply without"
-Ernest Hemingway
"A genuine individual is an outright nuisance in a factory"
-Orson Welles
I understand that she has in fact asked for you (Vic) to point out such things....
Though, for me.... It's the fact that English is not her first language and those peculiar little things that
she often says that give it that distinct Straycat flavor.
And having done my duty as charged, it is of course up to Anne whether she changes the line(s) in question; for some reason, I got a very ENGLISH feel to this - light ale, Bristol, "Sue" - and "I best like Strawberry" is something you just wouldn't say....unless you were quoting something a little kid said.
Does that make any sense
'bout as much sense as a Bergman film....................just joking, I know what you mean. Actually, I think I've only ever seen "The Seventh Seal"........
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hope I at least managed to get noticably out of my comfort zone :wink: I did try.
Cheers,
straycat.
Well, I think you got the door open a bit anyway.... :mrgreen:
As Vic said, it wasn't too hard to pick that it was you. Lots of interesting and thought provoking imagery as usual, and some lines that I liked a lot. Like Kenrogers2, I got lost along the way when it came to the details of the relationships that were going on. Part of the charm of your usual style is re-reading it and getting different shades of meaning, and a few "Aha!"s along the way, but I think Harry C would probably be more direct and accessible. :)
Cheers,
Chris
So many replies :wink: Thanks!
Seems that I should watch some Bergman films (I did want to read "Wild Strawberries" some weeks ago, but didn't get around to doing it) :)
Thank you, Vic, for pointing out the linguistic slip. As for the "films flicker across my eyes", you are quite right, I hoped this would give you the image of a trapped man, maybe in a sterile room or so... and the end was supposed to reveal that he really is sitting in an open air cinema (whatever the right term is). And I'm afraid the films have to flicker rather than "the film flickers" - because they were refering to films in his head- his past, his memories of that girl he once was friends with (and who dyed his hair strawberry red :D ), he then fell for, which then did not work out, whom he then avoided and now no longer feels connected to (that's all the verses.. my model, so to say, was the style of Chapin's "Cat's Cradle": each verse is a different point in time and is referred to as "the other day"- for me it's days of the week- of course stretched over years).
For some reason I'm thinking Piano... sounds good to me! I was thinking of something in the vein of Chapin's "Taxi"...
Hmmm...Ken, seems like I didn't get Chapin too well if it my lyrics are too confusing :wink: like Chris said: I think Harry C would probably be more direct and accessible... :wink:
this time it was the trees now you got me confused, Ken... which trees? don't I know my own words? :lol: oh and you're right about the "protracted".. I lost my patience there :wink:
Straycat flavor :lol: Thank you, Ken.
Thank you everyone for your kind comments!
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
this time it was the trees now you got me confused, Ken... which trees? don't I know my own words? :lol: oh and you're right about the "protracted".. I lost my patience there :wink:
Which trees? The ones that came crashing down in the middle of your lyrics . . .
that made him run like a rabbit or a dog in the back yard . . .
I guess we ALL need to go back and read the lyrics.
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Just to go back to "films flicker"/ "film flickers" for a moment.....
OK, take your point, the guy is seeing all these mental images flashing through his head.....but he can only watch one at a time. Doesn't matter how many or how fast....that's why "film flickers" works better than "films flicker." Besides, if you set it to a rhythm, it trips off the tongue more easily.
Sorry to be pedantic, but sometimes something is either right or wrong, and "films flicker" just doesn't sit right with me.
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Just to go back to "films flicker"/ "film flickers" for a moment.....
OK, take your point, the guy is seeing all these mental images flashing through his head.....but he can only watch one at a time. Doesn't matter how many or how fast....that's why "film flickers" works better than "films flicker." Besides, if you set it to a rhythm, it trips off the tongue more easily.
Sorry to be pedantic, but sometimes something is either right or wrong, and "films flicker" just doesn't sit right with me.
:D :D :D
Vic
How about:
Flickers of Films across my eyes....
???? :P
Actually.... With it being FILM flickers across my eyes,
it would seem that it could be NOT film as in a movie sense, but having some sort of a film over your eyes
.... Just something obstructing your view.
Of the two, personally I like Films Flicker.
Just my opinion though.
Ken
"The man who has begun to live more seriously within
begins to live more simply without"
-Ernest Hemingway
"A genuine individual is an outright nuisance in a factory"
-Orson Welles
