Y7 Week 40 - Witness - Dylan Barrett

I don't see anything I would change . . . maybe the premise of the song.
You're assuming that taking a life during war is a sin.
But doesn't the bible have numerous examples of the tribes of Israel "smiting their enemies"?
http://www.gotquestions.org/war-Bible.html
I don't want to turn this into a religious debate . . .
just stating that the premise of killing someone during war is murder . . . is not a common belief.
Although, like the song says, I would have doubt if it was me that had killed someone . . . even in war.

(BTW, I'm saying hello from the mountains of Tennessee . . . a lot cooler here.)

I'm gonna take a different route to KR2, although I'm essentially agreeing with him. The idea of killing someone in a war isn't strongly associated with sinning, but that doesn't mean the narrator wouldn't/shouldn't question the morality of what he did. I'd be inclined to make this moral questioning more prominent in the song though.

It starts off strong, but the second verse "In my years....I need to try" is a little too vague for me. I think a rewrite here to focus on this specific conundrum would make the song stronger overall.

You're assuming that taking a life during war is a sin.
But doesn't the bible have numerous examples of the tribes of Israel "smiting their enemies"?
http://www.gotquestions.org/war-Bible.html

No, not assuming anything, but we're all made up of different things, thoughts, standards etc - it doesn't matter what's written in the bible or on your enrollment sheet - if you come to the actually point of having to pull the trigger and kill another human being - in the name of whatever, then different people are going to react differently, some will say, well, that wasn't difficult and carry on...other's it will probably have a profound effect - this is such a person....

He has an inner guilt which he has to carry through the rest of his life and, being a Christian wonders whether he will be forgiven on judgement day.....premises and common beliefs matter not.
It starts off strong, but the second verse "In my years....I need to try" is a little too vague for me. I think a rewrite here to focus on this specific conundrum would make the song stronger overall.

You are right, it needs rewriting, making stronger - the guy carries some guilt and is trying make good all the bad things he comes across but he is finding it a pretty difficult task....

Thanks for the comments.

Rock on!
D 8)

You are right, it needs rewriting, making stronger - the guy carries some guilt and is trying make good all the bad things he comes across but he is finding it a pretty difficult task....

Hi Dylan,

Good start :D I am in agreement with you that the taking of another person's life will have multiple effects on individuals. We can try to imagine what we would do or feel, but it isn't until the rubber meets the road you really know yourself...The same thing goes with the religion aspect....you can say you are a Christian and wear the armor of centuries of faith, but just because you start a belief in a religion doesn't mean you won't question or have doubts yourself.

...again not to start a political or religious discussion, but just confirming the singer is believable given the number of variables regarding killing and regarding religion or beliefs..

I just realized the singer sounds a bit like the main character in All is Quiet on the Western Front when he kills one enemy soldier with his knife...interesting :)

James

I see everybody's point. And I agree and said as much in my first post.
Although, like the song says, I would have doubt if it was me that had killed someone . . . even in war.
Of course when someone kills in battle they are going to feel guilt . . and doubt . . and suffer questions about the morality of it. That was not my point.

The song is based on a premise. That premise is the belief in God.
The song is asking if God will forgive. And my point was from that perspective.
If you believe in God, I assumed you believed in the bible . . .
so I was directing my point as to what the bible said about war . . . since Dylan's introduction mentions sinning.
Nothing more than that.

I made a couple of other assumptions . . .
the "soldier" felt killing was a sin ( I was misled by the introduction)
the song was about feeling guilty about killing in war.
Although Dylan said he was assuming nothing . . . I was.

(BTW, the seven deadly sins do not include murder . . . that is one of the ten commandments.)

Dylan

Very interesting take on the assignment.
Self doubt guilt remorse it's all there.

:note1: :note1: :note1:

John

Hi Dylan,
Good start here, I like the chorus but if this was mine I would change the middle line from a question to a statement. I think it makes for a stronger lyric.
We were supposed to do our duty
for queen and country, fighting for freedom
but I question the morality
and when my God I'll see
how will he judge me?
In contrast to your chorus's I felt some of the verses were a little weak for example:
In my sights I saw the enemy
It was him or me
did I do right?

In my sights I saw the enemy
It was him or me
I did what I thought was right
For me this is stronger because our hero stating his case (and yes he's having self doubts) but he's not asking for permission or validation.

Anyway just my opinion, I don't want to take anything away from what you done cos I think you are on to something good here.

Cheers
Paul

I like the way your mind's working, Dylan. The lesser of two evils...kill or be killed....horns of a dilemma. You've managed to get the message across fairly well....I do like PBee's suggestions, though, they're a little more pro-active.

I wasn't too keen on the chorus, though....

"We were supposed to do our duty
for queen and country, fighting for freedom
should we have questioned the morality
and when my God I'll see
how will he judge me?"

It's the fourth line of that I don't like...."And when my God I'll see...." It's just not a phrase you'd ever, EVER use in real life - you'd say, "And when I finally see my God." Or something similar.

I'd think about changing the second and third lines around....

We were supposed to do our duty,
For Queen and country, fighting for freedom,
And when I finally meet my God,
I'll question that morality,
As he's judging me.....

As always, just a couple of suggestions - they're just off the top of my head, and doubtless can be improved.

:D :D :D

Vic

Good song. I like the moral conflict within, and I think it could exist despite a person being of any theological disposition that says it's ok... there is still doubt (I think of Eastwood in Gran Turino). I like it as it is.

Jeremy