Another attempt at Gospel
Take Me Down To The Water
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7915199
Take me down to the water
Where I can bathe my soul
In the Grace of redemption
Good Lord make me whole
Take me down to the water
Where I can bathe my soul
Down in the valley of the shadow
And under desert sky
I've been looking for the answers
But all I found were lies
Take me down to the water
Where I can bathe my soul
Take me down to the water
To wash away my sin
In the name of Jesus
I'll be born again
Take me down to the water
To wash away my sin
Too many days in the wilderness
And too many nights on the road
Too much time on city streets
Where temptation is bought and sold
Take me down to the water
To wash away my sin
Take me down to the water
Where I can bathe my soul
Take me down to the water
Good Lord make me whole
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John
These two lines I have troubles with because I can't bring up the imagery.
shadow . . . yet under the desert sun (which I picture as unrelenting bright sun)
It seems to contradict . . . are you in the shadow or in the desert sun?
Down in the valley of the shadow
And under the desert sky
the line refers to the valley of the shadow of death . . . I presume.
How about
Through the valley of death?
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Thank for the input KR
I tend to disagree with you though.
The valley AND the desert are two different places
much like the wilderness the road and city streets later on.
Or maybe I'm trying a little too hard to reflect two separate Bible verses
in one song verse.
(The valley of the shadow of death and Christ 40 days in the desert)
I'll leave it for now just because I've just recorded an MP3 that I'm fairly pleased with.
:note1: :note1: :note1:
John
"Where I can bath my soul...." Question - is that the normal American spelling of "bathe?" I very often find myself correcting spellings mentally, before I remember we spell a lot of words differently. Practice and practise is about the most common one on these forums.
Apart from that, there's one word in the whole song that looks out of place to me - and that's probably another trans-atlantic cross-cultural thing.
"Good Lord make me whole...." "Good Lord!" is (or used to be) used an exclamation of surprise over here - not used so much these days, true, but one of those phrases I grew up hearing. "The Good Lord" looks fine in most cases, but not here - "May the Good Lord" looks fine too, but might not fit the meter.
"Oh Lord, make me whole" would probably read better to British eyes (at least to those of us of a "certain age!") and could possibly sound more heartfelt when sung....which is pretty much the point of a gospel song.
Overall, have to say I really like this - I can hear in my mind the gospel choir in the chorus! - and I'm looking forward to hearing the mp3.
Hmmm - just re-read what I've written - apologies if it seems a little nit-picky, it's not meant to be - just a couple of honest observations on how a couple of words struck me, as a British reader. They'll probably sound better than they look to my eyes!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Hi John,
Reads well to me. :D
I'll leave it for now just because I've just recorded an MP3 that I'm fairly pleased with.
So you've got an MP3 recording? Let's hear it!
James
I didn't have a problem with the "good lord" line, I was 'hearing it' as a slow gospel melody so the emphasis wasn't there to make me think of the exclamation Vic was referring to. I also don't have a problem with the references to the valley of shadows being followed by the desert sun - I just figured you were jumping through several scenes and that the answer-seeking had taken place over a long time. Just my .02
Thanks All
"Where I can bath my soul...." Question - is that the normal American spelling of "bathe?"
No just my bad spelling. :oops:
"Good Lord make me whole...." "Good Lord!" is (or used to be) used an exclamation of surprise over here - not used so much these days, true, but one of those phrases I grew up hearing. "The Good Lord" looks fine in most cases, but not here - "May the Good Lord" looks fine too, but might not fit the meter.
I think Scrybe describes what I was thinking on that one and the valley/desert very well.
I didn't have a problem with the "good lord" line, I was 'hearing it' as a slow gospel melody so the emphasis wasn't there to make me think of the exclamation Vic was referring to. I also don't have a problem with the references to the valley of shadows being followed by the desert sun - I just figured you were jumping through several scenes and that the answer-seeking had taken place over a long time. Just my .02
Although I may go with "Oh Lord" or maybe "Let the Good Lord"at some later date.
I always seem to rewrite parts of my songs after they've been around awhile.
So you've got an MP3 recording? Let's hear it!
OK for better or worse here it is
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7915199
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John
Very, very nice! So it WAS just me nitpicking, the lines sounded fine when sung - and nicely sung too. You experimenting with double-tracked vocals? Took me a while to get the hang of it. Nice flowing melody, too.
If I had to pick a fault at all (hey - that's my job - Devil's Advocate, don't you know!) there's not a great deal of variation - you might think of perhaps changing the melody of one of the verses, perhaps turn it into a bridge?
(Take me down to the water - Flowing melody - needs a bridge....sheesh, they're coming thick and fast today! Sorry, no puns were intended - honest!)
I repeat, very very nice - I like it a lot. Good to see you back, and on form, too!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
John, I'm listening to it as I write this, and I love it. It's got a real old-time gospel feel to it, which was probably what you intended, but whether you thought you'd do it so well is in question. You've nailed it, man. :D
Take care,
Casey
It's got a real old-time gospel feel to it...You've nailed it, man. :D
Very, very nice! ....there's not a great deal of variation - you might think of perhaps changing the melody of one of the verses, perhaps turn it into a bridge?
I repeat, very very nice - I like it a lot.
John,
I would agree with both posts. You nailed the genre as well as I would want a little more flavor to keep it interesting musically throughout....maybe harmony instead of the singing the same melody line on the second voice. Reminds me of "Oh Brother Where Art Thou?"...and that's a good thing :wink:
Well done :D Thanks for sharing!
James
Hi John
I loved the listen. It's simplistic and pure.
When you listen to something like this you can always see where the harmony's would help the song. In the chorus, the second voice could definitely give it more harmony - that would 'nail it' for me.
Great.
Rock on!
D 8)
I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!
Well looks I've got some thinking to do about a bridge or something.
The additional vocals actually seemed to serve the purpose I intended
which was to show where I thought harmony should go. The thing
that limited me was my vocal ability.
Reminds me of "Oh Brother Where Art Thou?"...and that's a good thing :wink:
Thanks James That is a very fine compliment and what I was going for.
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John
Hey John
good job mate, enjoyed the additional vocals. Yeah I agree a harmony would give the song the relief that you might be looking for, maybe you could ask Kathy to help. I personally would hesitate putting a bridge in there especially if you can get a harmony instead, I feel its current form works well.
cheers
Paul
Hey Celt,
Could you make this song available for download? I'll take a listen later on the actually-working-computer. Thanks!
