This is not only country . . . it's hillbilly country.
Halfway to Dead
Born in a shack in a Kentucky valley
Ma alone did her best to raise me
She worked two jobs whenever she could
While I, usually, was up to no good
I was young, angry, and couldn't be told
Steering for trouble and out of control
No one cared and no one could stop me
Born with one, two, three strikes against me
Locked behind bars, surrounded by fence
Convicted and jailed for a capital offense
Thirty years spent and more years ahead
Half done with my time and half way to dead
Didn't bother with school; I learned the hard way
Don't mess with me or I'll make you pay
Rebellious, defiant and unreasonably proud
Any friends I had were in the wrong crowd
If I found work, I couldn't keep the job
It was easier and faster to steal or to rob
We ran from the store with police in pursuit
I guess they didn't think that I would shoot
Locked behind bars, surrounded by fence
Convicted and jailed for a capital offense
Thirty years spent and more years ahead
Half done with my time and half way to dead
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
KR
Good story line you got going there but it seems to it's somewhat
incomplete and could use some fleshing out.
Born in a shack in a Kentucky valley
Ma alone did her best to raise me
She worked two jobs whenever she could
While I, usually, was up to no good
Where is Dad?
Think The Supremes "Love Child"
I was young, angry, and couldn't be told
Steering for trouble and out of control
No one cared and no one could stop me
Born with one, two, three strikes against me
Angry at what ? Yourself? The World?
And what exactly are the strikes against you?
Locked behind bars, surrounded by fence
Convicted and jailed for a capital offense
Thirty years spent and more years ahead
Half done with my time and half way to dead
I know you explain this more later but maybe here
would be a good place to mention the first time behind bars.
First time behind bars,at the age of 18
That's where I learned to be ruthless and mean
Now it's thirty years spent and more years ahead
I'll be half done with my time when I'm half way to dead
Didn't bother with school; I learned the hard way
Don't mess with me or I'll make you pay
Rebellious, defiant and unreasonably proud
Any friends I had were in the wrong crowd
Maybe?
Kicked out of school had to learn the hard way
Mess with me and for sure you will pay
Rebellious, defiant and unreasonable and proud
If you're friends with me you're in the wrong crowd
The last line switches the bad influence from the friends
to the protagonist.
If I found work, I couldn't keep the job
It was easier and faster to steal or to rob
We ran from the store with police in pursuit
I guess they didn't think that I would shoot
Once again if you could get the focus back on the
protagonist?
Why in the world did I think I should shoot?
I know that line sucks but it's just an example.
Locked behind bars, surrounded by fence
Convicted and jailed for a capital offense
Thirty years spent and more years ahead
Half done with my time and half way to dead
Maybe?
Locked behind bars, surrounded by fence
Convicted and jailed for a capital offense
Now it's thirty years spent and more years ahead
I'll be half done with my time when I'm half way to dead
And just a thought about that last line on the choruses
I'll be half done with my time when I'm half way to dead
This could suggest either a Death Sentence of Life Without Parole.
Which would be inline with current laws if you were to shoot and kill
cop ( "a capital offense" )depending which Jurisdiction you are in.
Sorry for my ramblings and tearing your song apart :oops:
:note1: :note1: :note1:
John
John, . . . thanks for tearing it apart.
I picked up the pieces and put it back together.
Some of the pieces I found lying around must have been left behind by you . . .
hope you don't mind if I use them.
I'm too lazy to elaborate on where Pa is . . . but you guessed it . . .
the guy doing time . . . was a love child.
Halfway to Dead
Born in a shack in a Kentucky valley
Ma alone did her best to raise me
She worked two jobs whenever she could
While I, usually, was up to no good
I was young, angry, and couldn't be told
Steering for trouble and out of control
No one cared and no one could stop me
Born with one, two, three strikes against me
First time behind bars at the age of eighteen
That's where I learned to be ruthless and mean
Now it's thirty years spent and more years ahead
Half done with my time and half way to dead
Kicked out of school so I learned the hard way
Mess with me and for sure you will pay
Rebellious, defiant and unreasonably proud
If you're friends with me, you're in the wrong crowd
If I found work I couldn't keep the job
It was easier and faster to steal or to rob
We ran from the store with police in pursuit
I guess they didn't think that I would shoot
Locked behind bars, surrounded by fence
Convicted and jailed for a capital offense
Now it's thirty years spent and more years ahead
Half done with my time and half way to dead
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Hey KR
Glad I could be of help and you did use my favorite suggestion
If you're friends with me, you're in the wrong crowd
:note1: :note1: :note1:
John
Hey KR
Glad I could be of help and you did use my favorite suggestion
If you're friends with me, you're in the wrong crowd
. . . and four other of your lines. Thanks.
KR2
It's the rock that gives the stream its music . . . and the stream that gives the rock its roll.
Ken,
.....ummm....yeah, what John said..... :roll: That was one thorough critique!
Suggestions:
1
Consider revising here...the chorus "behind bars at 18" comes before kicked out of school....which kicked out of school would have come first on a time line
2
If you dropped the first verse, you'd have a lay out for inner-city troubled youth....or just make 2 versions...and double those royalty checks $$$$ :mrgreen: $$$$$
3
Get some music up there....every time I read lyrics with a hillbilly genre, the only tune I can hear is "Turkey in the Straw"
:note2: haw...haw...haw...:note2:
James
Ken,
.....ummm....yeah, what John said..... :roll: That was one thorough critique!
:lol: Critique!!!! I think they call it a mauling in boxing terms - excellent stuff.
Ok, would this guy have ever wanted to get a job? Nah, as you said it's easier to steal or rob and I think the cops would always consider the fact that hoodlums running out of a store brandishing firearms might let a few rounds off in their direction.. :?
Never found work didn't want a job
It was easier and faster to steal or to rob
We ran from the store with police in pursuit
Hit the streets and started to shoot
Ding ding ding - end of round 2
Nice one Ken
Rock on!
D 8)
I'm nowhere near Chicago. I've got six string, 8 fingers, two thumbs, it's dark 'cos I'm wearing sunglasses - Hit it!
Hi KR2
I really enjoyed your original story and I was very impressed how that story line was maintained after John made some wonderful suggestions ...
Thanks for posting such a true to heart song , I know some times when I post a song that has personal material in it I second guess if I should post it , so congrats for that as well ..
Cheers
Trev.. :note1:
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Hey Ken,
cool song :D . I think the edits are great, but I really do like what James says,
If you dropped the first verse, you'd have a lay out for inner-city troubled youth
For me this would turn this song into more of a contempory ballad which has more authority than a hillbilly song.
cheers
Paul
