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Y8 Wk 38 - A long l...
 
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Y8 Wk 38 - A long long time

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(@jaythejoker)
Estimable Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 152
Topic starter  

Lots of fun this one, happened fairly quickly for a change, with a melody that came out of nowhere.
Written to the chords as given G A C D, with a chorus with Em Am and C with brief appearances of G heh, :)

I thought I told you
Of all the broken bones
I've gained from this
And it wont be long
Till my heart goes on the road again

I thought I warned you
I thought I made it clear
What our life could be
A cloudless sky upon the sea
A hand in hand white ceremony

But our dreams are crashing down now
And it'll take more than sticks and stones
To rebuild what we used to own

And it's hard for me to say now
But it's always been this way
Oh If I had my way
We'd be together for

We'd be together for
A long long time
A long long long time

We'd be together for
We'd be together for
A long long time
A long long long time (With you girl)
It'll be forever and ever together
And that's the way I'd like it to be

The dawn is breaking over
A torn battlefield
Where two lovers scorned
Can wage out their war
Forever and evermore

And I thought that it was over
But the sun is peaking
Through the clouds
And it might just be
That we'll be together
If I have my way

For a long long time (To spend with you)
A long long time (Always together)
And it'll take forever
But that's okay with me
Cause our brief romance was
Way shorter than I'd like it to be


   
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(@scrybe)
Famed Member
Joined: 17 years ago
Posts: 2241
 

Love to hear your melody of it

+1. This reads as a very interesting piece but, given how it deviates from the usual rhyming couplets style, I'm having a bit of trouble coming up with useful comments - anything I say may be completely redundant for whatever the melody happens to be. A soundfile would be really useful to help me comment in a more useful way for you.

Ra Er Ga.

Ninjazz have SuperChops.

http://www.blipfoto.com/Scrybe


   
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(@jamestoffee)
Famed Member
Joined: 15 years ago
Posts: 2855
 

Hi Jay,

Good start :D

Suggestion: Consider revising this section as the other sections are in first person:

The dawn is breaking over
A torn battlefield
Where two lovers scorned
Can wage out their war
Forever and evermore

It has a flavor of John Mayer's "Heartbreak Warfare" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3_gSyEsXuEc&feature=related

Another comment about this section is it seems to fuel the confusion as the rest of the song promotes a longing to get back together....this section promotes just "get back" at the other person as Scrybe pointed out

Thanks for sharing. :D

James


   
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