Y8W40 God Still Moves On The Water

Cool beat, cool guitar playing, love the chorus.
Like the talking part.
The only thing I didn't like was that the first two verses have too many syllables in most of the lines.
And when you try to squeeze them in it sounds forced and uncomfortable.

Wish I could play the guitar as well . . . Too bad you don't live in Miami . . . I'd be bugging you for lessons.

This sounds like a song Jonny Lang might do, and I love Jonny Lang. Especially like the vocal harmonies on the chorus line, very nice break.

Hey Ken,
Wish I could play the guitar as well . . . Too bad you don't live in Miami . . . I'd be bugging you for lessons.
:P If I lived in Miami, I have a feeling I'd have to give you and a lot of other people guitar lessons to supplement an ESL teacher's salary :lol:
first two verses have too many syllables in most of the lines.
Agreed. I'll see what can be trimmed down and phrased better.

Hey Scrybe,

Thanks for the reference. I agree that Jonny Lang has the right vocal and guitar style to do this justice :wink:

Thanks again for the feedback. :D

James

Ok, Ken,

While I agree the lyrics need trimming down...the songwriter in me was working, working, working on it not getting anywhere :evil: ....so the mixer in me said... :P "Hey, why don't you v-vocal the snot out of vocals"....so I gave in and messed around with the v-vocal :roll:

Feedback?

James

Cool Song James,

I like the way you worked the Blind Willie riff.

Love the line:

Til an iceberg struck his Titanic soul

Good Job

John

Hey John,

Thanks for the listen and feedback :D

James

Suggestions for the number of syllables – I only found it awkward on 2 lines, really.

“Technology umbrellas the modern man” - start singing this line early, so that “technology” immediately follows plan. I think your only problem there was the slight rest (maybe you needed to catch your breath, so it's time for some rock star conditioning :-)

This line just one extra syllable, I suggest cutting as either:
"The guard of his heart fell ‘sleep on patrol" or "The guard of his heart, asleep on patrol"

Hope it helps – like the slide. I do like the vocal effects, but I think I'd like it without too.

Jeremy

Hey Jeremy,

Good suggestions on both phrases. Thanks for the feedback :D

James

POOF Phrases- rephrased :mrgreen:

I like what this says . . . a lot.
Needs to be said more often.
I won't pontificate . . .

Like Jerm, I like the new version . . . and would like it without the voice affects also.

I had to read the lyrics to Rush's Tom Sawyer to see how it relates.
Although I don't care for Rush, the lyrics have some clever lines.

Hi Ken,

Thanks for giving this one another look. :D

Kudos to you for going the extra search on the Tom Sawyer lyrics :wink:

Thanks again for the feedback.

James