Hi. This could use a bit tightening up (and maybe another title), I think :wink:
Our Summer
We've been busy all summer
Cartwheeling back and forth
Between university and work
Facebook and the telephone
Oh
August, on a half-ploughed field
We gave ourselves a month
To cover up loose ends with leaves
Ash for Rebecca, chestnut for Tina, acorn for me
Oh
In august August, we swore to meet
And, for a while, forget all about 'em
So here we are at the lake
Lie flat on your stomach
In the damp grey sand:
It'll look like the Baltic sea
Oh
And we run into it
Rain clouds approaching from the horizon
A minor sandstorm gathering behind us
We double up, dive and try
To stick up our legs in the air, upright
Next thing we know, autumn feels like summer,
Go figure
On the porch of the hibernating café,
Watching the rain blend sea and sand,
We grin in the hoods of our blankets
And clink thermo flask cups
Aw
We play hacky sack in short pants
In scarves, the odd couple shakes its head
And September feels like at least July,
Go figure,
We re-claimed our summer.
The last line feels a little superfluous, doesn't it? Would you rather say "the odd couple shake their heads" than "the odd couple shakes its head"? It's funny though, imagining them as having just one head .. having spent so much time together that they are so much alike and finally share a head? :lol:
Cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Hi Straycat,
I really like these lines a lot :D Such packed imagery in few words
Ash for Rebecca, chestnut for Tina, acorn for me
In the damp grey sand:
We double up, dive and try
To stick up our legs in the air, upright
On the porch of the hibernating café,
And clink thermo flask cups
We play hacky sack in short pants
What music do you hear for this one? You always send me off to google new bands. :wink:
Speaking of bands, had you ever heard of the band "The Gossip"
-song- Standing in the Way of Control?...great vocals....like a modern Janis Joplin 8)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opWBRRCTDXg&feature=related
I am not sure how I got the song on my ipod, but it's my youngest daughter's favorite song at the moment. She brought in her ipod shuffle for "show and tell" in her Grade 1 class (6-7 year olds) and said the teacher let her play a little bit of the song. Would have been fun to watch the reaction. :lol: :roll: :wink:
James
hehe, that's what your kid is listening to? :lol: you'll have a lovely teenager.
it's a good strong song, not usually my kind of music, but it makes you want to jump around :D
hmmm... music-wise for this... uhm.. i was looking for an exemplary song.. but can't find one that feels right just now.
as usual, i got no real ideas for the music... just..er.. summery plus rough plus playful plus Conor Oberst plus Winter Took His Life plus Annika Norlin? er... you keep asking about my ideas for the music and i keep getting confused :lol:
well, well...off to sleep and, hopefully, a clearer head. :)
cheers,
straycat.
"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin
Great lyrics! When I was a kid we always had one week holiday in autumn, and when we were lucky we'd get one day with good weather. This song feels like a story about such a day.
Some small thoughts / praises:
"And clink thermo flask cups" really made me laugh, great image! Why not replace the "aw" that follows it with chink, or clink or cheers?
I like what you did in that paragraph that starts with "And we run into it". It's like they're trying to get away from the clouds and the sand storm by jumping in the water, only to change into ballerinas.
"And September feels like at least July," I'd remove 'at least' to make it more direct.
I agree that the last line is superfluous.
I learned something from you as well: the Ostsee is called Baltic Sea in English. I always thought it was called Eastern Sea. Go figure.
