Y9 W11 - One More Crying-In-Your-Beer Song

Good to see you back, Vic! You definitely had some inspiration with this one.

I'm still working through this (and it may take some time) but I just wanted to say there's a lot of great lines in here, particularly the "opposites" imagery that songwriters love ("...too shallow for deep..." etc.,) and the cool wordplay (the use of "pour" in the second line of the last verse). And some of it just made me laugh out loud, especially the bit about the fridge and the last line of the bridge.

I'm sure I'll have more suggestions, but these two I want to write down now before I forget them. The first is a minor suggestion to alter this line:

I'd love to be able to write, a real feel-good song

to something like this:

I'd love to sit and write, a real good feel-good song

"To be able to" just seems really weird and unweildy to sing. But it could just be the way I'm hearing it in my head. But I like the idea of "a real good feel-good song" because it sounds bouncy. Like I said, this is minor.

The other suggestion is in the first half of the bridge:

I should know by now from experience,
Love songs are not my thing,
I should stick to what I know about,
Sad songs are what I can sing,

"Now" and "from experience" are somewhat redundant and, again, it really seems like it would be a chore to sing it cleanly and clearly. And the third line also sounds somewhat troublesome, as does "can" in the fourth line. Suggestion would be:

You'd think that I would know by now
Love songs are not my thing
They say "Write what your know"
So sad songs are what I sing

I'm sure I'll have a few more thoughts about this when I get a bit more time to take it all in. But it's a great start and I'm already looking forward to hearing it. Imagine our disappointment if the song turns out to be in G! :wink:

Great to have you back. And looking forward to much more from you.

Peace

Strumming some chords in an effort to find
Some way of sayin' what's on my mind
And here's what I came up with, a progression in A (, in the key of A)
To carry the words that I'd like to say
Yeh, to singsong the words I want to say

(Chorus:)
It's a song about love, I haven't finished it yet
But it will be sad, on that you can bet
You see, love and me just don't get along
Put me with love and it's sure to go wrong
Yeh, this is just one more cry-in-your-beer-song

The love songs I've written have never worked out
Trying to write something I know nothing about
So this song is different, it's love song that's bad
Cause that's the experience with love that I've had
Yeh, my experience with love has really been sad.

What's been the problem, I couldn't say exactly
Perhaps I'm drawn to women who aren't drawn to me
Who's to blame? What's been the problem?
They all insist it hasn't been them.
Yeh, they've all said the problem is not them.

When it comes to love it seems I'm cursed
The harder I try, only makes it worse
I spend all my time trying to better myself
Perhaps I should be thinking of somebody else.
Yeh, maybe I shouldn't be thinking of only myself.

(Chorus:)
It's a song about love, I haven't finished it yet
But it will be sad, on that you can bet
You see, love and me just don't get along
Put me with love and it's sure to go wrong
Yeh, this is just one more cry-in-your-beer-song

One day maybe, it'll happen for me
Cupid will shoot an arrow through me
But I'm not going to be holding my breath
Until then I sing about pain, divorce and death
Yeh, stick to what I know . . . pain, divorce and death.

I'd say you came through your 'writer's block' quite succesfully with this. :D Good stuff!

You've had some excellent suggestions already. To me much of it is a bit wordy, and both comments seemed to address that.

Very nice job on the third verse, lol. It might sound better to get rid of the 'justs', but for the flow of it you may need something and I'm at a loss as to say how to word it differently!

The way you have added some humour into the song works great. That takes it from a woe is me type of song to something the listener can grab onto and relate with, 'yeah, I'm with ya, been there done that too' sort of thing and laugh with you.
(V2)Got a line or two I can use, got an idea for a bridge,
But it's all so cold and passionless, it could've come out of the fridge.

I like what you have here but I think it could work better with less words once again. The fridge line is funny, and I love the beginning of that line, it is the second half that seems a bit cumbersome. Maybe 'it's better off in the fridge' or 'it belongs there in the fridge'. Not those lines specifically, but just something to get you thinking. On the first line of that verse, maybe try singing it without the second 'got' and see how it sounds.

New to the writer's group....so hope I've been of a little help. Glad you're writing again and would love to hear this, I think it could develop into a great song!

First, I was remiss in not thanking Vic for the great job of hosting two years of SSG.
So, I'll correct that right now;
Thank you, Vic.
I really appreciate the time and effort you put into it . . .
And welcome back from your hiatus.

Second, welcome back to hosting SSG, David . . .
If you'll forgive the poor metaphor, . . . You're a pearl in the sea of humanity.
We're fortunate to have your expertise.
Looking forward to seeing you write another song of your own.
We can learn by example . . . ya know . . . :D
and looking forward to seeing what some of the newbies bring with them.

Back to Vic's song;
as you can see, I really liked this song, Vic . . .
enough to put some hours into putting my interpretation on it . . .
One of my favorite genres . . . Country.

I tried to tighten it up but I think I squeezed it too much. :shock: . . .
so the verses come across too much as a limerick . . . too bouncy in rhythm.
But maybe you can use an idea or two from my attempt.
(I added some more lines and verses)

Anyway, hope to see this one move on to the next stage . . . it would be fun to see this develop into a song.

Thanks, all, for comments. Been fooling around with music this morning - it's shaping up to be a little more up-tempo than I thought, but for some reason the contrast between the upbeat music and the downbeat lyrics seems to work. I'm thinking this is going to need three separate guitar tracks - a fairly heavily strummed acoustic rhythm track, some twangy telecaster for some clean electric fills and riffs, and some slide guitar for some more fills. Haven't got a lap steel, so I'll have to improvise. Yes, it's in the key of A - and yes, it's very country. Bit of a departure for me - I think it'll be the third country-flavoured song I've written, and all of them started out as SSG songs.

I'm still working on tightening the lyrics up in places, as suggested....Ken, you've almost got enough for a completely different song. Why don't you finish it off?

Got some shopping to do this weekend....need a new PC mic, some headphones (cheap will do!) and very definitely some new strings. Hopefully, I'll get around to recording early next week. Fingers crossed!

:D :D :D

Vic

Hi Vic,

Looks like you've got this one well underway and plenty of suggestions as well. :D

Nothing to add except your closing comments read like the lyrics to starting a new song in a similar vein lyric-wise as being conversational like this one :wink:
Got some shopping to do this weekend....need a new PC mic, some headphones (cheap will do!) and very definitely some new strings. Hopefully, I'll get around to recording early next week. Fingers crossed!

:P
Thanks for sharing. I'm looking forward to the MP3 :D

James

A good read, I'm looking forward to hearing your recording.