I have little empathy with Elvis. My older sister was an Elvis fan but I always saw him as being terribly old fashioned. I couldn't figure out who Elvis was from his public persona. He never expressed political opinions, he didn't write any of his songs. He was not controversial and he didn't seem (to me) to be fighting the system. I know that he was involved in the rock and roll revolution but it always appeared that others were directing him.
I don't have a melody yet and there is probably a lot of room for editing. I've read that twinless twins have survival guilt, identity issues and often suffer from depression. I don't know if Elvis really felt this.
(edit This is the MP3) http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=9886691
Elvis and Jesse - Twinless Twins
The day I was born,
My twin brother died
I know It's hard to imagine
He spent 9 months at my side
I love you all
But I want to see Jesse again
(chorus)
There's a hole, that's deep down inside
I tried everything but it just won't fill
Wine, women, food, drugs and song
It's always been there, I'm afraid it always will
To my mother, Gladys
I was the only one.
Vernon was never there
Was he mourning his other son?
I love you all
But I want to see Jesse again
I've always felt
there's a part of me missing
Everyone I tell says
There's no good in reminiscing
I love you all
But I want to see Jesse again
I like to entertain
But If I had a choice
I'd rather hear his
Harmonizing voice
I love you all
But I want to see Jesse again
Been around the world
Owned one of everything
I've performed for millions
They made me a King
You know I love you all
But I want to see Jesse again
Hi MrEworm,
the song works for me well done. My 1 nitpick would be that as an unborn (and new born for that matter) baby Elvis propbably never saw his brother. So maybe something along these lines.
I'm close to you all
But I want to be close to Jesse again
or
I feel close to you all
But I want to feel close to Jesse again
cheers
Paul
First edit. With proposed chord structure
Twinless Twin
(G) The day I was born,
My (D) twin brother died
I know It's(C) hard to imagine
He spent (G) 9 months at my side
I (Em) love you all
But I (C) want to see (D) Jesse (G)again (C) (G)
(C) There's a hole, that's deep down (G) inside
(D) I tried everything but it just won't (G) fill
(C) Wine, women, food, (G) drugs and song
(D) It's always been there,
I'm afraid it always will
To my mother, Gladys
I was the only one.
Dad was never there
Was he mourning his other son?
I love you all
But I want to see Jesse again
I've always felt
there's a part of me missing
Everyone I tell says
There's no good in reminiscing
I love you all
But I want to see Jesse again
I like to entertain
But If I had a choice
I'd rather hear his
Harmonizing voice
I love you all
But I want to see Jesse again
Been around the world
Had one of everything
Made a few records
Never felt much like a King
You know I love you all
But I'm going to see Jesse again
Hi MrEworm,
the song works for me well done. My 1 nitpick would be that as an unborn (and new born for that matter) baby Elvis propbably never saw his brother. So maybe something along these lines.
I'm close to you all
But I want to be close to Jesse again
or
I feel close to you all
But I want to feel close to Jesse again
cheers
Paul
I thought that myself. How much can a fetus see in a womb...eyes are closed. I just like the way it sounded with using the word "see".
I do like to be factual in my writing but I occasionally think the feel a of a word, the way it rolls off of a tongue and into an ear is more important.
A biography that I read this morning said that Elvis told everybody "I had a brother" when he was 3 years old. Also his cousin describes many visits to the cemetary with Elvis to look at the grave, something that his mother wouldn't do.
I think "see" works poetically. Your second verse breaks your rhyming scheme. May not be a big deal. Different folks have varied opinions on that but since your other verses maintain it, it might be worth changing. Actually your second verse does not end with Jesse like the others and I am wondering if it could occur further along in the song and function as a bridge. AAABAA as a form.
Nice song.
Ernie
"All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc
"It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell
The second "verse" was the chorus. I should have marked it as so.
Ah got it. Now it makes sense. I had an idea that might be the case but was not sure.
"All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc
"It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell
Cool concept for a song, and some of the writing is really direct and concise. Awesome job.
I particularly like the opening couplet:
The day I was born,
My twin brother died
Some of the other lines don't seem quite as snappy as that, but it could be that I'm just not finding your way of reading them.
It would be great to hear a recording.
Cool concept for a song, and some of the writing is really direct and concise. Awesome job.
I particularly like the opening couplet:
The day I was born,
My twin brother died
Some of the other lines don't seem quite as snappy as that, but it could be that I'm just not finding your way of reading them.
It would be great to hear a recording.
Your wish is my command
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=9886691
I hope the recorded version works for you. I wanted to write a song about Elvis, not just a song that referred to him. I never saw Elvis as a sympathetic character. I tried to find a level at which I could relate to him. I had a younger brother that was stillborn and remember how it hurt our family. Can you imagine losing an identical twin? I read a bit on twinless twins to try to get into Elvis head for this.
Is it just me or do a lot of people have apathy about the "Elvis" challenge?
The SSG is about assignments and not challenges. And it's run knowing full well that not everyone will come up with something every week. We really don't expect that. Sometimes folks will work over an assignment and the song will be finished later (sometimes the writers don't even post) and sometimes they either don't find anything to write or don't like it well enough to post.
That's all part of life on the SSG. Primarily because we know that all our participants have lives outside of this Forum and sometimes they can work out a song and sometimes they can't. When they can't we hope that they can contribute in other ways, such as constructive critiques and support, and it's great when folks can.
This particular week (so far) has seen two fewer songs than last week. That's hardly apathy. But it's all in how one looks at it, I guess. Not every week is going to be a home run, in much the same way that every song one writes is not going to be a masterpiece. The SSG exists to encourage people to write on something on a weekly basis, and it's also about working through the mechanics of writing and the sharpening of one's skills. And everyone works on different time schedules when it comes to his or her songs.
Peace
No offense meant. I had a hard time feeling sympathetic towards Elvis, which made it harder to come up with a song about him. I was just wondering if others felt the same. BTW: What did you think of this tune?
I think I need to change the name to "Elvis and Jesse". I found out in my Wednesday night song circle that the title Twinless Twin took a lot of explaining.
No offense taken and apologies if my explanation made you think I took offense.
I think the name change makes the song a lot stronger. Often a title is an even bigger first impression than the first line of the song and if the title is more confusing than mysterious (and sometimes there's a very fine line), that a listener may miss a lot of the song because his or her mind is still working out the title. And you need your listener with you every step of the way. Now your song has a great title and a killer opening line. That's a great thing.
Peace
I think it is a great song and like the way you render it. I also like the chord progression where it goes to the Em and that last line of the verse where it's IV V I IV I. It's very early rock n roll Buddy Holly sounding.
Ernie
"All battles are first won or lost in the mind." - Joan of Arc
"It took me about 20 years to figure out how to write without inspiration. Thankfully, I got there." - Leon Russell
Hi MrEWorm,
Nice job with this one :D
Can you imagine losing an identical twin? I read a bit on twinless twins to try to get into Elvis head for this.
I tended before to not read other posts until I had an idea for my own song, b/c I was afraid I would like the idea and not be able to come up with something else. Then for a long time I realized it didn't matter b/c I usually came up with something from left field....seeing your posts, I feel we might be both in the same left field or at least seem to brainstorm in a similar fashion......so I might have to read your posts after I have an idea again :P ...but that's what I love about your song this week. I got so caught up in finding an angle about Elvis the "King" I missed an obvious unique story of a twinless twin....but I'm glad you picked up on it and developed it :wink:
I liked the fist title but like the 2nd title even better.
Thanks for sharing.
James
