Year 9 Wk 3 Going Back To Tupelo/MP3 Added

Nice story, good characters. The name Jesse has importance in Elvis' life.
I've been toying with an idea for a song that includes Elvis identical twin brother, Jesse. Jesse was 35 minutes ahead of Elvis but he was stillborn.

Thanks E,

I forgot about Jesse while writing this. I just liked the name.

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John

Good stuff John, the only thing I have to add is that for the chorus, in terms of the flow you might consider using "To..."
Now she's going back to Tupelo
To where The King was born
She's going home to Tupelo
With a heart that's battered and torn

of course it all depends on how its phrased doesnt it ?

cheers
Paul

Hi John

Love the story and the song and I like Paul's idea of adding "to" to the second line of the chorus. I'd also suggest swapping "recalls" with "recites" - I think it gives a little more intense image than recalling (even though they are essentially the same thing) and it makes a nice internal rhyme with night.

Looking forward to hearing this one.

Peace

David and Paul,

Great suggestions. I'll have to sit on them because I just finished the MP3
and I'm not about to redo it all right now.

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John

Hey John,

Looks and sounds great! :D

Suggestion:
I know "hearts" is you line of repetition, but I was wondering if it could be tweaked a bit to add a bit more personal details for the characters.

For example
With wings battered and torn -referred to as angelic voice

shiny helmet battered and torn -football player and soldier
or
with a helmet battered and torn
or
uniform battered and torn

....and maybe this:

"With hearts once battered and torn"

....could be

With hearts (still) battered and torn

...because they haven't made it back to Tupelo (the place of restoration)
...I assume the idea is they find restoration in each other, but then it seems to detract from the attraction of the "need" to get home.

...even if it stays as is, it's a pleasure to listen to :wink:

Thanks for sharing.

James

Good song, good story, enjoyed the listen.

Ernie

Thanks for the comments

I took David's and Paul's suggestions and use them as is.

James' I took what I think was the basic idea a played around with it
and came up with something different.

Going Back To Tupelo

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?songid=9879629&q=hi

Sarah was a beauty queen
With the voice of an angel they say
And she headed for those city lights
Along the great Broadway

But the city has a way of taking
One's dreams of fortune and fame
And when she left on that winter night
No one knew her name

Now she's going back to Tupelo
To where The King was born
Going home to Tupelo
With a heart that's battered and torn

Jesse was the football star
Captain of his high school squad
Then he went to fight a war
In honor of Country and God

And every night he recites the names
Of the brave men he saw die
Every day he drinks away
The cold stare of their eyes

Now he's going back to Tupelo
To where The King was born
Going home to Tupelo
With a soul that's battered and torn

When he saw her on that Greyhound bus
She said she remembered his face
But that was many years ago
And that was some other place

Jesse told her his stories
Sarah sang her songs
Then they swore they'd find a way
To right what had gone wrong

Now their going back to Tupelo
To where The King was born
Going home to Tupelo
To mend lives once battered and torn

Going back to Tupelo
To where The King was born
Their going home to Tupelo
To mend lives once battered and torn

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John

John,
this looks like a seriously polished piece! Another one of your best.

Keep up the good writing.

Hey John,

Looks and sounds good :D Now that you've "done" the assignment, I say consider recording it with out a reference to "the King" b/c it tells a good story within the characters themselves.....then maybe say something like "Where (their) innocence was born".

Great job! :mrgreen:

James