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Hey James

Crazy household... :D

Verse three worried me a bit when I first read it...'Got a son who tries to sneak in bed with my wife'

But anyway, I'm assuming you are there as well? So...

My son has bad dreams and screams in the night
In the morning he's there between me and my wife

Just a thought.

Rock on!
D 8)

Hi James

Absolutely terrific tag line for the verses. And I liked the low key production - almost expected some errant family noise in the background!

Only quibble would be with the word "negotiating" in the third verse. While it's certainly a part of home life, it's not usually referred to in such a blatant way. But after a couple of listens, I'm finding it's growing on me, so maybe it's better as is.

Looking forward to more.

Peace

Oh my, so many lines there I can relate to....

"Have to triple check the lid before I use the toilet..."
"One black sock is always getting lost...."

I'll stop quoting there 'cos most of the rest of the song applies....

I'll have a listen in the AM when I can plug some speakers in....looking forward to it!

:D :D :D

Vic

*POOF Changes made :mrgreen: *

Hey Dylan,

Good call :D I tweaked it to fit better.....I always talk to my son like he's the "other man"....He says, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" and I say, "Hey! That's my wife you're talking to. She's not sleeping with anyone but me!" :lol:
Verse three worried me a bit when I first read it...'Got a son who tries to sneak in bed with my wife'
But anyway, I'm assuming you are there as well? So...
My son has bad dreams and screams in the night
In the morning he's there between me and my wife
The kids' bad dreams keep them up at night
In the morning they're between me and my wife
I might not know a lot but I know when I am home

Hi Dave,
Absolutely terrific tag line for the verses. And I liked the low key production - almost expected some errant family noise in the background!

Glad the line worked for you. :D The low key production was due to trying to "fit" songwriting back into my life with work and family commitments so it was 11:30 PM I was shot for the day and just trying to get something out there for you guys to scrutinize before putting time down into making tracks if it needed a major adjustment......I compromised on the "background noise" and had my kids sing on the chorus with me....Their ad libs at the end didn't take much imagination.....they're quite natural at it :roll:

Hey Vic,
Oh my, so many lines there I can relate to....
Yes, for better or for worse :lol: I'm glad it connected with you.

Thanks, guys, for the feedback.

James

Hi Peter,
I liked it stripped back, the drums make it sound a lot more frantic, which may be what you intended I guess
Yes, that was the intention, but music should still be enjoyable, so maybe I can see about a scaled down version as well.
The phrasing sounds a little forced in places to fit the meter, like "sib-a-ling", but other than that it's all good, some very good lines in there that we can all relate too as Vic said ;)

Thanks. I'll take another look. I read that a beginner's songwriting mistake was making everything too symmetrical, but you are right that the phrasings should fall naturally.

:mrgreen: POOF "sib-a-ling" changed to "sibling"; less aggressive drum set but probably still a bit too driving*

Thanks for the feedback. :D

James

Yes, I remember those days well! :lol: Your description of them is right on too. Your backup singers in the chorus are really cute and fit in with the 'I'm not alone' very well, loved it!

Couple of spots I noticed that the words didn't fit in or flow as well as they could, but I think you got them fixed. One that I think is still there is 'REmote'; however that could also be one of those words that has different pronunciations depending on where you live. Here we say 'reMOTE'. Very little nit though, and I must tell you I enjoyed listening and this song did make me smile and laugh.

You guys on this forum work quickly...I am so impressed!
Nicely done. :)