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Year 3 Wk 6 The Rest of the Story

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 Celt
(@celt)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

Overheard two young men talking.
One of them said " She seems real nice but you don't know the rest of the story"

The Rest of the Story

There were tears in your eyes
When you came home last night
And I tried to believe you were sorry
But too many times
I have seen through your lies
Now tell me the rest of the story

Is there some other guy
Who's making you lie
No don't you even try to ignore me
Were you drinking in some dive
Living your soap opera lives
Just tell me the rest of the story

Well I know that you'll do fine
Tell your friends the faults all mine
And then you can bask in your glory
But there's one thing you can do
Tell them just how much I loved you
And maybe then the rest of the story

Is there some other guy
Who's making you lie
No don't you even try to ignore me
Were you drinking in some dive
Living your soap opera lives
Just tell me the rest of the story

You know I don't need to hear the rest of your story

Celt

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" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 777
 

Hi there The Celt ,

First of all is there a type o in this verse ?

"I have seen throught your lies "

should it say through your lies ?

Apart from that I had no problems with this good stuff

cheers

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

Thanks
Fixed that typo. A combination of chubby fingers and poor eyesight.

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" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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(@lotto-king)
Prominent Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 777
 

hi again

thought so I have same problem

nice song

cheers

Aghhhh

Not only am I a senior citizen

I'm now a bloody senior member

Are you people trying to tell me I'm old or what ?

over 700 posts ( I really do need to get out more )


   
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(@gjbrake)
Reputable Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 235
 

Hey!

Great use of the title I think. You manage to use it in a few different ways without ever being to obvious or sounding like you are just repeating yourself.
Tell them just how much I loved you
And maybe then the rest of the storyfor example.
Great line, and great use of 'the rest of the story'.

The listener (or here, reader!) wants to get the rest of the story too but since you aren't, we aren't. Quality!

Nice one.
G

Listen Louder Than You Play


   
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(@straycat)
Noble Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 1282
 

hi:)

second time reading it really grabbed me. great mood.
especially love the second verse.....'then you can bask in your glory'...and obviously the last two lines of that one are beautiful, too:)

know the typo thing very well myself :wink:

bluenightangel

"oh, eventually it will break your heart" - anders wendin


   
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(@pierson)
Reputable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 367
 

Liked it. I would think that hearing those two guys say that, the only song that would be wrote is the song writer singing the rest of the song. But you showed me! :D This opened a new perspective of this assingment to me.
Thanks! Keep it up!

There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!


   
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 Val
(@val)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 106
 

I like this very much. I have read it through a few times and would like to offer you my thoughts.

First of all, in the second line of the first verse, 'that night' signifies remoteness, whereas 'last night' would give it the immediacy that, I feel, the rest of the lyrics demand.

Secondly, I find that the words flow smoothly in all except the third part, 'Well I know that you'll do fine...'. You might improve the flow of this by just removing a few words and transposing a couple of others, as follows:

Well I know you'll do fine
Tell your friends the fault's mine
And then you can bask in your glory
But there's one thing you can do
Tell them how much I loved you
And then maybe the rest of the story

These small changes bring the metre more into line with that of the other parts of the song and I don't think they detract anything from the meaning.

By the end of the song, I find that I empathise with the guy and am satisfied with the closure. Like him, I don't need to hear the rest of her story.

Lovely. :)


   
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 Celt
(@celt)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 2649
Topic starter  

Thanks All,

Val,

I originanally had the words "last night" but changed it to " That " because I felt the rest of the song seemed as some time has passed.
I will go back to " Last night " because I see what you mean about immediacy. As for the third verse I would usually agree 110% with you about editing it. The longer word struture works well with what I have in mind musically. The dynamic of the song is to build in intensity so I think this time I'll let afew extra words remain.

Nice to see so many new faces around here. I haven't been too active here lately but I'll try to get my act in together and comment on some of your post.

Celt

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" It's easier than waiting around to die" Townes Van Zandt


   
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