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Year 4 week 32 - Reality? - check

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(@Anonymous)
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Joined: 1 second ago
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Topic starter  

Reality? - check :)

Trying your best to conform
In an image obsessed world
Those clothes, That hair
This pair of shoes
Is this who you really are?

Don't stand out in any way
Except the ones that count
Those shades, That watch
This mobile phone
Are we taking it too far?

We all portray
What other's see
It's not really ourselves
We hide away
For fear of being
Left upon life's shelf

Society deems our suited lives
Are determined by our choices
Those cars, That house
This right to vote
But do they hear our voices?

Take break with all the rules
Live one day through and be
Those songs, That place
This perfect day
Isn't this why we are free?

We all portray
What other's see
It's not really ourselves
We hide away
For fear of being
Left upon life's shelf

But take break with all the rules
Live one day through and be
Those songs, That place
This perfect day
Where we float upon the breeze

Where we float so free……….

Thoughts and comments welcomed as always.

Pete


   
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 pbee
(@pbee)
Noble Member
Joined: 19 years ago
Posts: 2096
 

Hi Pete,
you get the big thumbs up from me 8) , this is very good, nice tight piece of writing well done mate.
I look forward to hearing it if thats where you want to take it,

cheers

Paul


Check out my Reverbnation page here


   
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(@vic-lewis-vl)
Illustrious Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 10264
 

I like it too Pete - nice swipe at our keeping-up-with-the-Joneses society...

One tiny thing - the use of "tan" in these lines.....

"Those shades, That tan
This mobile phone"

doesn't work for me - you're talking about top-drawer consumer commodities with the other two, maybe "watch" or possibly "Those ray-bans, that rolex, this Samsung mobile" - something along those lines? Just a thought mate.....

Nice work!

:D :D :D

Vic

"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)


   
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(@Anonymous)
New Member
Joined: 1 second ago
Posts: 0
Topic starter  

Cheers for the comments guys.

I agree Vic, 'tan' seems out of place now you mentioned it.
I changed it to watch, like your suggestion. Fits rather well :)

On a side note, I was the lucky reciever of a nice microphone for my birthday, so recording here I come!
(Now I just have to learn to sing........lol)

Pete


   
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 Bob
(@bob)
Noble Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 908
 

Hi Pete

Like the sentiment and you express it very well in this song. I like it a lot.

Good stuff

Bob :wink:

My Soundclick Page

You are what you eat, eat well


   
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