Hi
Been a little out of the SSG loop for a few weeks. I'm not really
satisfied with this but need to get back to writing posting and
critiquing. So here goes.
Angel Of Mercy
She's down on the corner
By the street light
Dyed hair and make up
Her skirt fitting tight
For the price of a nickel
Or maybe a dime
She'll be your
Angel of mercy tonight
You don't need to know her
Or call her by name
You're just a transaction
And they're all the same
Her business is pleasure
You've paid for you time
She'll be your
Angel of mercy tonight
And in the morning
Her pain it returns
The longing the lost hope
Her veins feel the burn
She curses the daybreak
And prays that she might
Be somebody's
Angel of mercy tonight
She's down on the corner
By the street light
Dyed hair and make up
Her skirt fitting tight
For the price of a nickel
Or maybe a dime
She'll be your
Angel of mercy tonight
John
Hi John
You said "Been a little out of the SSG loop for a few weeks. I'm not really
satisfied with this but need to get back to writing posting and
critiquing. So here goes. ".............
Gee your hard on yourself mate ...Its' a darn good piece of writting in my eyes ,I really like the chorus ....
Well John
Good to see your back
Trevor
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Yeah, good to see you back John.....not much to pick fault with here, just a couple of little things caught my eye....
"For the price of a nickel
Or maybe a dime".....
Hmmm, maybe a little TOO cheap? Sure you could fit some US slang for folding money in there...or maybe something like "For the price of a needle, escape from the light"....
And in these lines:
"And in the morning
Her pain it returns"
You could continue from the previous verse...
"Until the morning,
When her pain returns....."
(The word "it" seems a little superfluous here, just a tad forced..."
As I said, not much to find fault with at all....keep 'em coming!!!
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
Thanks
Yes Trevor, Sometime we are our worst critics but Vic hit on
the exact parts I'm most dissatisfied with.
"For the price of a nickel
Or maybe a dime".....
Hmmm, maybe a little TOO cheap?
I like the line and the imagery but it doesn't equate into $.
(The word "it" seems a little superfluous here, just a tad forced..."
Again I agree
John
Hi John, I like this tool, but have a problem with the small change as well. the ladies give it away quite cheap up in the Berkshires, don't they?
Falling in love is like learning to play the guitar; first you learn to follow the rules, then you learn to play with your heart.
Well done, Celt.
I think Vic's suggestions for those two spots are excellent.
Margaret
When my mind is free, you know a melody can move me
And when I'm feelin' blue, the guitar's comin' through to soothe me ~
Hi John,
I pretty much agree with everything thats already been said. Good stuff.
Paul
Hi John
I'm with everyone else - I think this isgreat and on first read through couldn't find any fault with it at all. I kind of glossed over the monetary issue it seemed to be more about that fact that she could be bought.
Good stuff
Bob :wink:
You are what you eat, eat well
