Year 5 Wk 39 Hat In The Ring

First off, I actually disagree with you when you say The first two are pretty lame I quite like them! :D

#1 Seems like a good start to what could be an unrequited or broken-heart love song. The idea of the "Shining Knight" gave me the impression of a fairytale sort of setting.

When reading it, I quickly noted a few changes / extra lines;
She is just a girl I know
Sat in sorrow, alone at home
For once she had a shining knight
Her own Prince Charming, her Mr. Right
Fairytales end with "Happily Ever After"
But so recently she hears no laughter

Not sure if it's anything like you were after, but it's what occured to me :)

#2 is somewhat ambiguous - which may be a good thing, as it leaves itself open to many different interpretations. I quickly came up with one additional verse;
Let's pray tomorrow
Is better than today
Beg steal or borrow
What you need to find your way

Forget about the sorrow
Grieve only for today
Watch the sunrise for tomorrow
It will help to light your way

#3 I have no idea who Lorna Doone is, so this makes no sense to me. Sorry!

Pete

#3 I have no idea who Lorna Doone is, so this makes no sense to me. Sorry!

Lorna Doone is a brand of short bread cookie.

I guess it's an American thing.

I found a explaination here:

http://ask.yahoo.com/20020425.html

Seems the cookie was named for a character from a novel.

I like what you did with the other two. Some food for thought.

John

I was caught by the image a girl alone playing solitaire in your first chunk of lyrics, so I wrote a potential chorus. I steered clear of the knight imagery as the two didn't seem to fit together for me.

F C Gm Bb2
She doesn't have to play
F C Bb2 Gm F
She doesn't have to play along
C Gm Bb2
But when you're used to it
F Gm Bb2 C F C Gm Bb2 F C Gm Bb2
Some games are easier alone

You can take a listen at:
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/songInfo.cfm?bandID=337003&songID=5624529

i also like your first piece best:-)

She is just a girl I know
Playing solitaire at home
But once she had a
Brave and shining knight

she would let her hair down
and he would bring flowers
to plant in the yard

the people would pass
with wonder on their faces
these blossoms, they said
may conquer the winter

and winter did come
and proved them right
until spring, where her hopes
all turned out wrong

say, girl, what happened
the neighbours inquired
she kept quiet for a while
then spoke: i don't know
he took up a quest
and never came back

she is just a girl i know
playing solitaire at home
but once she had a
brave and shining knight

er.. i dunno if this is worth posting;-) but here you go. my ideas for this:-)
cheers,
straycat.

SlowPlay,

WOW! That was really cool not all what I was thinking
for melody but really cool.

straycat,

As always great imagery. I would have to do some edits to
get it into my style but I like the flowers and winter stuff.

John

Hi Celt

This is exactly what I was hoping for fromthis assignment. Something you were unable to work with being turned around giving you somehwere to go with it. I really like what Slowplay did with the chorus and I think there's some mileage here for a collaboration between you to move it on.

The different way straycat took this was more how I'd perceived it 'Knights in White Satin' etc but still pretty good.

Let's see and hear where this takes you

Good stuff

Bob :wink: