Here's my effort for this week, I'm hoping this is me starting to get out of a really big writing slump I've been in lately! :)
I've got chords for this, nothing concrete yet so I'm going to play around with it some more before I post 'em.
All about You
She was gone
Gone before I had a chance to say my last
Goodbye
Gone
Gone and left me alone, to slowly and surely
Die inside
What can a man do?
When he feels like a life's through
‘Cept for grab his guitar
Embrace this new pain
An' write a line or two
And that's why…
This song's all about you
I was left
Left all alone, quick as a blink of the eye
Left here without you
Embraced
Embraced by the nothing, ‘cept the cold of the floor
A man, broken in two
What can a man do?
When he feels like a life's through
‘Cept for grab his guitar
Embrace this new pain
An' write a line or two
And that's why….
This song's all about you
And how you walked out of that door
It seems you didn't care anymore
Now I struggle to think
‘Cos I can't even recall
What my heart is for
So tell me, what can I do?
Now that I feel like my life's through
Except for grab my guitar
Try to numb this new pain
By writing a line or two
And that's how….
This song's become all about you
Comments, suggestions etc. welcomed as always
Pete
ETD - Formerly "10141748 - Reincarnate"
Pete
I like this alot
I would have ejoyed it a bit more after reading this line :
"This song's become all about you "
And there was something there about you .
You and me do the same thing I feel I don't see it when I write but others point it out to me . We both write from the narrators perpective and don't give enough details as Pbee has told me about my writting for ages .
Anyway Pete I did enjoy this I was thinking the same style of music I have for my song ?
Hilch
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Pete,
I like this it's simple and concise.
There is just one slight problem that I see.
The song is mostly in Second person tense except the
first verse which is First person. I think it would be better
if the whole thing were in the same tense.
Also if you were to change tense and swap the fisrt and
second verses that may address Hilch's issues at the
same time.
John
Hi Pete,
I like the structure of this song, I like the simple beginnings to the verses and then perhaps slightly different tempo for the chorus. There's only one thing that nags me and its that I can't get “Street Fighting Man†out of my head when I read the chorus ( But what can a poor boy do .. cept to play for a rock and roll band ..) so I really need to hear this one.
Other than that I like it.
Cheers
Paul
Thanks for the feedback guys!
hlich - When I was singing this I kept trying to put something after the last line like you suggested, but nothing I came up with seemed to fit. Maybe I'll have another go and see.
As for the music, at the moment I have;
a Capo on 1st fret
Playing a slow Em to Am progression for the verses
Playing D to Bm to C9 to Em7 (all without the high e string being fretted but still being played except for the Bm)
Still not 100% but getting there! Hopefully I'll be able to post smoe recordings in about a fortnight when I get back to my uni.
Celt - I've never been great at the tenses, except for feeling tense! lol I'll go back and look at what you where talking about and see what I can figure out. :)
Paul - I can't say I've ever heard that song (should I? :)) but isn't it weird how you can write a line and it pops up elsewhere without you even knowing it was there? It happened the other day as well! I was watching some WWE, and one of the intro songs came on, and I thought; "Hold on, what was that line!?!"
The end of the chorus was;
Another chance to feel
Chance to feel alive
In a song I wrote weeks back my chorus end was;
I'm just trying to feel
Trying to feel alive
Strange how these things crop up, eh!
Pete
ETD - Formerly "10141748 - Reincarnate"
Hi Pete
I can't say I've ever heard that song (should I? :D )
Absolutely. Your song doesn't sound anything like "Street Fighting Man" by the Rolling Stones but its a song worth hearing anyway. Its one of their earlier songs.
cheers
Paul
