I havent had time to get music I liked for this yet but I think its got a lot of potential and would be easy to write to, ill post it soon.
So when you turn to walk away
I mean that when I set you free
Don't smile back or say farewell
Don't say your last goodbye to me
Every night as I try to rest
Visions of you still dance ‘round me
I wish youd have just turned back and gone
and not said your last goodbye to me
Id be a liar if I said
I didn't wish that youd just see
but my hearts been broke and the world it seems dead
for you've said your last goodbye to me
I don't know how you cannot want
All the things that we could be
but I know you don't cause the words you spoke
You've said your last goodbye to me
So when fortune cheats you with a smile
When Life aint all youd hoped it be
remember the dream that you cast back
when you said your last goodbye to me
These I also wrote but dont follow the pattern, I dunno what im gonna do with them. We'll see when I get the music written
As the night walks closer
to the sun dripped day
It aint worth it
some might say
And when your tears freeze solid
On a wet cold night
Ida been the warm words
to make everything alright
"And above all, respond to all questions regarding a given song's tonal orientation in the following manner: Hell, it don't matter just kick it off!"
-Chris Thile
I like what you've done. One tiny tiny suggestion, in the third verse , third line, I think you can drop the "it" so the line reads,
"but my hearts been broke and the world seems dead."
As far as the last two add on verses, why don't you turn them into a chorus, maybe after the third and last verse?
Anyway, good work!
Nice job!
May I suggest the 2nd pattern used as 2 bridges ?
The rest of the song flows well and reads very well ..
I also agree with chefie ...
Nice writting
Hilch
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
I cant find music that I like for it, nothing really good that sticks and fits, im so used to rhyming AABB i dunno, this is why you should write the music first haha.
"And above all, respond to all questions regarding a given song's tonal orientation in the following manner: Hell, it don't matter just kick it off!"
-Chris Thile
I put some music to your lyrics and sang as I read, it flowed very nicely for the most part. If the lyrics were mine though, I would change ->
Every night as I try to rest
Visions of you still dance ‘round me
For my singing anyway, something about these lines just isn't flowing right for me. Could just be me though.
For the music, I used a finger picking style using quite a few double picks, on D, A, Em notes. Flowed pretty well for me. Something worth considering.
D A Em
I wish youd have just turned back and gone
D Cadd9 Em Am
and not said your last goodbye to me
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"Songs aren't written, they're re-written."
