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Feeling of dispair
 
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Feeling of dispair

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(@nitetrapper)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 149
Topic starter  

Feeling of dispair

v1
My wife says good morning
As she comes walking down the stairs
Put a smile on my face
As I pull myself into the wheelchair
v2
She gets ready for her job
Thru the window I sit and stare
Thinking if she knows its all a show
As I try to shake this feeling of dispair
Chorus
The pain has finally left me
That I prayed for each day and night
With no feeling from the waist down
I wonder if the pain was alright
I ain't asking for no mercy
I just feel helpless in this chair
Hold my hand as I struggle
Trying to shake this feeling of dispair
v3
Thank god for little angel's
I hear daddy it's time for school
She ask's a hundred questions
Sitting on a snack bar stool
v4
I watch from the front door
Blowing kisses in the air
Tell myself I'm a lucky man
Shaking off this feeling of dispair
Bridge
No, I don't want to be perfect
I'd love to sleep in my bed up those stairs
Lord help me find a balance
To whats right and what is fair
Chorus
The pain has finally left me
That I prayed for each day and night
With no feeling from the waist down
I wonder if the pain was alright
I ain't asking for no mercy
I just feel helpless in this chair
Hold my hand as I struggle
Trying to shake this feeling of dispair

lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores


   
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(@gmilam)
Estimable Member
Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 159
 

Love the little angel verse and the chorus is real nice with "I wonder if the pain was alright" line.

It might make it too long but I was left wondering how he got into the chair. What happened to him? Maybe a verse on that?

Either way...good writing.

Greg

I don't think I'm a lot dumber than you think that I thought I once was - White Goodman (Dodgeball)


   
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(@noel-iu)
Estimable Member
Joined: 21 years ago
Posts: 96
 

Wow nitetrapper you've just nailed it
I've been wondering many times how could I feel if I have an accident and get sat on a wheelchair...
reading this has made me shiver

It would fit nice on a dark setting of minor chords with some majors on the chorus... country style i'd say

I specyally like the verses
"No, I don't want to be perfect
I'd love to sleep in my bed up those stairs
Lord help me find a balance
To whats right and what is fair"
Nice work... even when it does not fit well to sing... it's full of creativity

http://www.freewebs.com/noel-iu

http://noel-iu.dmusic.com/


   
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(@alangreen)
Member
Joined: 22 years ago
Posts: 5342
 

Yep - it's good.

At the end of the 1960's/ early 1970's maybe, Kenny Rogers put out a song called "Ruby, don't take your love to town" - or something like that - which was along vaguely similar lines. In that song, there's a verse which tells how the hero got into his situation ("It wasn't me who started that crazy Asian war, but I was proud to go and do my patriotic chore"), and I think you could take that step to tell us how the guy in your song got the way he is without it taking anything away from the rest of the song.

Best,

A :-)

"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk


   
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(@nitetrapper)
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Joined: 20 years ago
Posts: 149
Topic starter  

Thanks for the input everyone,I coudnt think of how to put in the reason hes in a wheelchair. without pretty much changing the whole song. But then again I'll take a hard look into it. Thanks again Nite........

lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores


   
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