hey everyone, this is a recent poem I wrote after becoming annoyed by the world hiding behind reason. These sought of topics don't often come up in songs (Missy Higgins has hinted at it) :roll: After writing this poem I realised that there is a whole new realm of meaning songwriting can enter. It left me wondering, why has the idea been evaded for so long? But, if you do know of any artists he explore these topics, let me know! :)
I watch the deceit of reality
Unfold before my guarded eyes
Trapped, confined; alone.
In the cage of my existence.
I look into this world, and all I see is pain
Safe behind my mask of hope
Forever, I wish to remain
A world where pain and destruction have no place,
If only to wield the power of belief.
A world where a friend is not a choice
But a reason, to hold true to the path of love.
A world where the answer lies in savouring the questions
In the beauty of wonder; the essence of creation
A world where reason no longer defines knowledge
But rather, brings to light the expanse of the unexplained.
A world where fear lives only to serve courage.
I see in true happiness
The greatest of all fear lies.
I see that our place, lies not within conformity
But in the truth that has been lost
A world where war sees no beginning
But embraces the message of freedom
That lies within its end.
Is it possible that this could make a song? I see it as purely accoustic, either solo piano or guitar backing. Any suggestions about possible lyric arrangements or music would be awesome, thanks guys
Jacqui :)
"Iam a question to the world... not an answer to be heard."
Hi'a and welcome to the forum
You have exceptional potential , and this could work well as a song, let me take a little time with it during the week and see what I can come up with.
I do suggest you joining the SSG forum, we have assignments every Sunday and would get you in the habit of writing about all sorts of subjects.
do you play any instrument or have any kind of style you prefer, folk, blues, jazz for example ???
Go well
Jamir
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
hi jamir, thanks for your reply :) I have been thinking for a while about joining the SSG forum, I think it would be a really great way to explore different ideas and discover new ways of writing. And I've seen some really impressive songs there too! :) Writing beyond the world of safety brings out amazing things in people.
This has been such a crazy year; im heading into my final exams and I all I want is to write... :( Id want to take each ssg assignment seriously and gain new understandings of the chaotic world that is songwriting; I tell you.. I'm going to be RUNNING and SKIPPING MERRILY out of that exam room, freedom at last! :P
it means alot that you're taking the time to help me out with these lyrics; thanks so much!
My main instrument is piano; most of my writing I do with piano, so it has that unaccompanied, accoustic sort of feel. No particular style really, just whatever feels right for the song :) I'm a big fan of music for film; scores and songs so I sometimes find artists such as Elton John, Diane Warren and Phill Collins have an influence on the style of writing.
Then I discovered this magnificent site while looking up some chords for guitar and the rest, as they say, is history!
thanks again jamir, (hope to have a go at the ssg!)
Jacqui :)
"Iam a question to the world... not an answer to be heard."
Hi'a Jacqui,
no problem, you don't need to thank me, I've been where you are and still trying hard...................
the main problem with your song, is the complex content, unless you are a Leonard Cohen fan , it is very hard to put compplex lyrics across, take what you have verse by verse and see if you can trim it down without losing the essence of the story and the feelings you have there
for eg your first two lines :
I watch the deceit of reality
Unfold before my guarded eyes
.
I watch deceit from hooded eyes
Have a go at the rest and I'll get back to you
Don't forget to have fun
go well
Ja'mir :wink:
I am a cloud within a cloud http://www.justjamir.com
you can hear my songs at :
I'll agree with almost everything Jamir says about this...it reads beautifully as a poem, but for it to work as a song, it needs tightening up - too many verses of varying length, too many "stray lines" wandering in from left-field, so so speak....
The key word she used was POTENTIAL - potentially this could be a very good song indeed...
I think you should take up Jamir's suggestion and try a few SSG assignments...it'll focus your mind on songwriting rather than poetry, and you'll get some straight advice from a lot of people - and a lot of encouragement!
Keep writing, you've obviously got a gift with words, perhaps if you read Nick Torres' articles about songwriting, they'll help you to focus...I know they helped me a lot!!!
I look forward to your first SSG post....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
