Here is a song I wrote a few years back let me know what you think
Shattered Love Song
You told me their love would never be
something they would have to hide
But time goes on, now they don't sing love songs
the way they used to long ago
His jealous mind what will his green eyes find
When there's nothing going on
And in his rage he tears another page
Will his violence every end?
Chorus
So take a look
their love's like a tattered book
It used to be so strong
The bindings fray
when there's nothing left to say
And there's nothing going on
in a shattered love song
just a shattered love song
Another shattered love song
It's still the same and you know it's such a shame
and I don't really understand
Because now and then his anger rages once again
And she don't have to live this way
A broken dream her cries, a piercing scream
Break the silence of the night
Now she can't stay, but she'll never run away
from the pain she feels tonight
Chorus
So take a look
their love's like a tattered book
It used to be so strong
The bindings fray
when there's nothing left to say
And there's nothing going on
in a shattered love song
just a shattered love song
Another shattered love song
Instrumental
repeat chorus - fade out ad lib last 3 lines of chorus
Tokai 12 String
Don't you ever give up on yourself
I like it..I could kinda hear it in kind of an eagles type sound. I reminded me of the shakespeare play Othello. nice work
-Micheal :)
"I named my son Marshall, yeah I named him after the amp. Of course that wasnt my first choice, I was gonna name him Peavy but my wife didnt like it."- Ron "Tater Salad" White
Hey Tokai,
Very nice lyric, I liked it alot. couldnt quite get my head around the rhythm of the lines thou. are you able to 'sing' this to yourself? if so thats fine, thou if you try and some lines trip you up, just have a look at working on those lines. the other thing i found confusing was was the POV the story was told from... as far as i can tell it sounds like someone is telling you about the relationship troubles of someone they know... just seems an unusual perspective to tell a story from...
nice writing
sozay
currently number 60 in total posts... and shooting for number 1!!
Like a kid talking about his parents, perhaps?
It's good, Tokai. I just think it needs to be longer, and perhaps tell us why the relationship's gone down the tube.
Best,
A :-)
"Be good at what you can do" - Fingerbanger"
I have always felt that it is better to do what is beautiful than what is 'right'" - Eliot Fisk
Wedding music and guitar lessons in Essex. Listen at: http://www.rollmopmusic.co.uk
First let me thank you for taking the time to comment on this song, and I will try to answer your questions.
sozay...yes I can sing this to myself...when I find the recording of it I will try to get it up on adams site. minus the instrumental that was never done.
As for the POV...I hope I don't confuse you more with this...It is actual from my point of view talking with whoever may have told me their love would never be... so in the first line I'm referencing (I hope that a word) some thing I was told.
That's is something hard for me to make clear to the listener.
Alan... The reason reason for the relationship going down the tubes. I refer you to these lines
His jealous mind what will his green eyes find
When there's nothing going on
And in his rage he tears another page
Will his violence every end?
Because now and then his anger rages once again
And she don't have to live this way
He's a jealous man who thinks she cheating on him. So he beats her.
I hope this clears up some of the confusion. let me know if it doesn't
Tokai 12 String
Don't you ever give up on yourself
Tokai, I like the song. It makes the listener think and use his mind. My only suggestion would be to trim it a little. Such as.
It's still the same it's such a shame
I don't really understand
Why now and then his anger rages once again
She dosn't have to live this way
A broken dream her cries, a piercing scream
Break the silence of the night
She can't stay, but she'll never run away
from the pain she feels tonight
Just a thought Keep or sweep. take care Nite.......................
lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores
Hey nitetrapper
Unfortunately I shorten the lines, they just won't fit the chords, I have tried and it really throws my playing off, not that it would take much to do that :lol:
Tokai 12 String
Don't you ever give up on yourself
Its your song and you would know how it sings and plays. I just made a suggestion. Keep writing and playing. Nite
lyrics belong in songs, poems bolong in bookstores
Hey Vin
I like this as niterapper said
It makes the listener think and use his mind.
and in my mind these lines sum it all up
Now she can't stay, but she'll never run away
from the pain she feels tonight
I interpret them this way, She is leaving this time for sure
and the pain she'll never run away from is actually two sided---
the actual physical pain and the emotional pain of not wanting to end the relationship because she still loves him.
Am I right???(of course I am because this is how I remember your mind working so long ago)
Dreamer#9
