untiled

hey xxfreak17xx, welcome aboard.
you've already got my critque for this, so i'll just say i look forward to reading more of your stuff on these forums. feel free to give your thoughts on other peoples work aswell (it generally encourages people to then critique your work) dont worry if you feel your not experienced enough to comment, not many of us really are, it just having someones honest opinion that counts.

cheers
sozay

thanx

no one else going to comment?

No problem, it's a poem right now, which is really where songs should start. it's got that "wtf was that?" quality to it, which is very very good, it really surprises one, and it's plump and ripe for the picking to be turned into a song
good writing, morbid stuff rocks

can anyone help me turn it into a song?

or help me write songs for that matter

As emptiness run's through my body
Showing that there is nothing to me
Covered by this blinding mask
Nothing to do
Nothing to gain
I have nothing
But only sadness I embrace
I look at my arms that shows only the scars
That has gotten me through this life
Then I ask my self
This is all the world has to offer
The game is over I am finished
Stripped of every reason I cry out to You
From my knees I scream

this site's columns have really great insights on songwriting, putting words to music is very much a very easy thing to do with the right mindsight and good patience, I'm personally an instrumentalist above my singing and writing, and usually write music to words fairly easily

PEOPLE please critique and/or help me! :!:

I read both of the mini songs you posted in this column, and they have a lot of potential. Your style is raw and emotional, which kicks ass. They do have articles on how to write songs, and put things into a form or structure. Most songs have verses and a chorus, rhythm and rhyme, but you are already writing songs, if you can sing the lyrics to music, then you have a song. My critique for you is that you have great material, and a great start. Now you just need to fill it out a little bit. Try to make each line have the same number of beats, or try to rhyme some of the lines, if you want. Maybe through in a chorus (which is usually the main theme or point you are trying to make) You kind of develop your own style. It helps to read other's songs, to see what they do. Read it, or sing it, figure out what sounds right to your ear. Think of some of your favorite songs, think about the lyrics, do they rhyme, etc.

thanx, i have read like almost everything on writing songs.....and i still dont get it

Hey Man!! I really liked the two of these, the second more so though. They're raw which is good, sometimes its good to get away from Symbolism, and metaphors. Kinda reminds me of something that would be sung during a tag, when two songs are connected together, (played live.) Pearl Jam does this alot with daughter. Its a great way to let out ure emotion. All in all, great work, and keep it up.
~PauL~

thanx dude

Welcome dude. Looking foward to reading more of your stuff. Keep posting them.
~PauL~