6 string Fender

Barnabus
I do not think you have to go back to the drawing board, some minor rewrites would do.
What you have is kinda “cute” However the last line in the chorus could use some work
“Lender” just does not do it for me. How about something like: I love you more than your greatest contender” …..or something like that??
Any music in mind?

Blessings.
Olav

Hi Trev,
Good on you for trying something different, making each line rhyme is a tall order. My main comment is that the song doesn't have the kind of conversational touch that I like, and reads a little bit like a list. I know that you tend to write without the aid of music, but I would really recommend that you try the getting the music first, and see how the music sets the tone and the meter of the song. There's nothing stopping you borrowing someone else's song, maybe a favourite off the radio and writing your own lyrics to that song. If you don't post an mp3, no one would ever know, and besides this forum is all about learning, and if that technique works for you, then do it.
Keep the learning process going mate

Cheers

Paul

Thanks guys

Yeah I was trying something different with the rhyme ...{ re-think }

Olav :I like your suggestion mate ..

Pete :Thats a pretty kool sounding chorus mate

Paul : I will take your advise from now on about music { I bet you say to your self now about time :lol: :lol: :lol: }

I wanted to do something totally different this week , maybe I should have really thought a bit harder ...

Thanks

Trevor

PBee's pointing you in the right direction - doesn't he always, bless his little cotton socks - you really need to sit down with a guitar when you're writing, even if you only do downstrums it'll give you an idea of tempo and meter....

I hope Freda (or was it Frida? Didn't you name the guitar after one of the Abba girls?) is well BTW.....

Kudos for trying - as always - if we had GNoscars (end of year awards) I'd nominate you for hardest trier and most improved SSG writer......

But sadly, I'm not really impressed by this one - doesn't really work for me - there's no story - how/when/where/why did you lose the guitar......it's not personal enough....like you said, "I've never lost a guitar".....I have, I've sold them to pay bills....but you learn from experience, next time I'll see if anyone wants to buy one of my daughters......

:D :D :D

Vic

Thanks Vic

For Being down - to - Earth and telling it how it is with this statement :

"But sadly, I'm not really impressed by this one - doesn't really work for me - there's no story - how/when/where/why did you lose the guitar......it's not personal enough....like you said, "I've never lost a guitar".....I have, I've sold them to pay bills....but you learn from experience, next time I'll see if anyone wants to buy one of my daughters......"

The Mrs bought a C D of just guitar music so I plan to listewn to it very closely and try to write lyrics to the music from C D

I'll see if that helps me improve ..

Yeah my Fender was named after a ABBA girl , but to my shame I spelt her name wrong :oops: :oops: :oops: Freda ...Not Frida :oops: :oops: :oops:

Kudos for trying ...Very trying some might say :lol:

Thanks for your feed back ..

ps

3 / 87 :oops: :oops:
Vic will know what that means