The city rising from its slumber as the night turns into day
Yesterday's horoscopes are now just empty memories
And as we shuffle on the sidewalks, staring at our feet
I dream of a day when a strangers eyes I can meet
I know that you've got no qualms
About singing your personal psalms
And I can only hope that one day
You'll be singing to the same tune as me
And our song can be sung together
Perhaps, even in the same key
The city returns to its slumbers as the day turns into night
The sun heads off into foreign lands, replaced with artifical light
Another cross on the calendar, as days turn into weeks
As I drift into daydreams in the city that never sleeps
Very great lyrics here. I'd be curious to hear it sung though. Great poetry nonetheless though. Niec job. Please comment back on my song. ;)
DirtyPinkoCommieScum,
Welcome to Guitar Noise and SSG
I like what you have here. At first I was wondering,like Kevin,
how the verses would be sung. They read more like prose so
if they were more spoken than actually sung it could work.
I really like the chorus:
I know that you've got no qualms
About singing your personal psalms
And I can only hope that one day
You'll be singing to the same tune as me
And our song can be sung together
Perhaps, even in the same key
The second half could be a little tighter
Maybe something like:
I know that you've got no qualms
About singing your personal psalms
And I can only hope that one day
You would sing a song for me
Or we could sing our songs together
I'll set the tempo You choose the key
Just some thoughts
John
Nice lyrics. Not really sure how they fit the assignment other than the title, but nice nonetheless.
Last line--the switch of words works okay in poetry but I'm not crazy about it in songs--maybe that's just me, but if you want you could always change it to:
I dream of a day when strangers eyes and mine can meet
The second verse is nice, too. Maybe just tighten a bit:
I know you've got no qualms
About singing your personal psalms
And I can only hope that one day
You'll be singing the same tune as me (just omit "to")
And we can sing our song together
We'll even sing in the same key
Well done, Commie. About the only thing that might've made this even better is if you would've used all or at least some of the acronyms from the title in it. Nevertheless, would love to hear it.
Oh, and I just read John's comments, and sang your lyrics it in my head to a Gorillaz song. I played around with them a bit, just for fun to make them fit to a rap/hip hop beat.
City rising from its slumber
As the night turns into day
Yesterday's horoscopes
Just empty memories
And as we shuffle on the sidewalks
Staring at our feet
I dream of a day
When strangers eyes and mine can meet
I know you got no qualms
About singing your own psalms
And I can only hope that one day
You'll sing the same tune as me
And we can sing our song together
Sing it you and me
Sing our song maybe
Even in the same key
City back to its slumber
Day turns into night
Sun is replaced
With artifical light
Another cross on the calendar
As days turn into weeks
As I drift into dreams
The city never sleeps
Sorry, Commie, didn't mean to butcher your lyrics. Got inspired by them and started having too much fun. Looking forward to hearing your song the way you intended. Thanks for sharing.
Joe
Thanks for all the kind comments. :)
I do realise that I didn't actually use any acronyms in the song, but this was a deliberate decision. I thought for quite a while about how I could fit acronyms into a song and couldn't think of any way I could fit them in in any meaningful way (i.e., doing more than just adding an acronym into a line just to fit the criteria). So I decided instead to come up with a title based on acronyms and then write a song based on that, which might be a slight deviation from the topic, but hey - we're all creative people here. ;)
Thanks for all the kind comments. :)
I do realise that I didn't actually use any acronyms in the song, but this was a deliberate decision. I thought for quite a while about how I could fit acronyms into a song and couldn't think of any way I could fit them in in any meaningful way (i.e., doing more than just adding an acronym into a line just to fit the criteria). So I decided instead to come up with a title based on acronyms and then write a song based on that, which might be a slight deviation from the topic, but hey - we're all creative people here. ;)
That's what this forum's all about - practising your writing, and exploring the bounds of creativity. So you didn't use any acronyms in the song? Well so what - not like you're going to be kept behind after class and write lines on the blackboard.
I like to see something a little different - somone thinking outside the box. As far as I'm concerned, you were inspired by the assignment and got a good song out of it....rest of the song's fairly cool too. Any chance of hearing it?
"I know you've got no qualms
About singing your personal psalms..."
That's a nice line, and a great hook....
:D :D :D
Vic
"Sometimes the beauty of music can help us all find strength to deal with all the curves life can throw us." (D. Hodge.)
I like to see something a little different - somone thinking outside the box. As far as I'm concerned, you were inspired by the assignment and got a good song out of it....rest of the song's fairly cool too. Any chance of hearing it?
Unfortunately I'm still putting together a recording setup atm - but apart from that, I don't even have any music for this song yet! :wink:
