Well, my internet was down for a long while, so I have lots of catching up to do.
Blue Skies
Sometimes it's only the weight
That keeps holding me down.
The weight of this casing
That must be parted from my mind.
So I can fly.
So I can fly.
A calling to the skies is all this is.
I'm looking through the eyes of the flesh.
I'm trying to find the place of all creation.
Searching for the blue past all the rest.
Drawing in my curiosity.
What really lies past the clouds?
Held back by my mortality.
I just want to rise out of these crowds.
So I can fly.
So I can fly.
A calling to the skies is all this is.
I'm looking through the eyes of the flesh.
I'm trying to find the place of all creation.
Searching for the blue past all the rest.
I know I'm not alone.
But how, then, am I lost?
I don't want to roam
to end up where I'll rot.
A head full of this sight
Is all I can see.
The only way to go
Is to lose my body.
A calling to the skies is all this is.
I'm looking through the eyes of the flesh.
I'm trying to find the place of all creation.
Searching for the blue past all the rest.
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
Hi
This is very good but I feel it maybe if you change the order a little ..
The first chorus talks about being holding down
The second chorus talks about curiosity
I think it maybe better if they were swapped around
So you start with being curious then be held down
just my 5 cents worth
I'm only learning so if that does not make any sense please ignore it
hilch
Here is to you as good as you are
And here is to me as bad as I am
As good as you are and as bad as I am
I'm as good as you are as bad as I am
Your five cents worth is actually a really good idea. It would have the song tell more of a story. Thanks, I think I'll change it.
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
Ah, finally somebody posts a song with a structure I can feel! The question here is, what the hell is it about? It seems very abstract, but on closer inspection there is definitely a theme that is stuck to, with references to blue, skies, clouds, and flying, which manages to come across to the reader without being forced. The only line I dislike is "I know I'm not alone" at the start of the bridge, because it sounds a bit too cliched and teen-angsty (I recognised it immediately because I'm sure I've written that line before in at least two songs). Maybe a subtle change could work here? But, on the whole, good work, I rate it a B+.
I like this song. I've always been a sucker for a lyric that captures a hopeful yearning spirit that knows there must be more to life. I get a subtle feeling of wishing for death without it being overdone in a gothic manner.
This song definitely appeals to the dimly remembered angsty teenager in me.
Beren
I'm one too many mornings and a thousand miles behind
I'd like to take Hilch's five cents and add another two...
The last verse seems more of the result of the other two verses. Verse two is the curiousity, verse three is the questioning of "how" and the realization that the body must go. If you reworked the first verse a bit and made it more about the shedding of the "casing" as it were, you'd have a complete arc.
I like, no pun intended, the light airy feel of this despite the subject matter. It's a good use of imagery.
Peace
Martin-6:
"I know I'm not alone."
I was just trying to say that I'm not the only one who has ever questioned about the afterlife, heaven, or whatever. Maybe something less recognized would be better.
Hey Beren. Your on the nose with the subtley whishing for death. Not in a gothic, suicidal manner by any means. I think suicide is for p*ssies. So, yeah the lyric is just adding to the curiousity.
Sup dhodge. I see where you're coming from. Maybe something like this would work for the last verse:
Sometimes it's only the weight
That keeps holding me down.
The weight of this casing
That must be parted from my mind.
A head full of this sight
Is all I can see.
The only way to go
Is to lose my body.
And then I'll try to re-work the first verse. Let me know what ya think. Thanks for the feedback guys.
There's a thin fine line between hate and rage.
Now watch the line be crossed and break!
I wouldn't use body as a rhyme for see because if you say bod-ee it will sound stupid and if you say body normally it doesn't rhyme so it might as well be any word there.
Do you see?
Edit: sorry, that bit was not changed from the original, plus, on reading it again, I am not even sure if it is meant to rhyme that way. Please ignore my comment.
