Hard Sell { WEEK 35} NOW MP3 sorry

You're NOT getting my credit card #, Hilch...!

What, NO E7 chord? LOL

You might think of taking off the 'if' at the beginning of the fourth line, and throughout, and just make it, "I want to earn good pay." If kind of tunes it down, it's a qualifier, and a true salesman wouldn't want any 'ifs' in his world.

I like, "I won't ask you, I'll tell you what you (really) need," since that IS what they do! I took out the 'really' just to show you that sometimes empty words are just that - spacers, and I don't think you need it there. One other qualification, though: feral cats don't pester you, they avoid you...maybe change it to 'stray' cat?

I don't get the 'security guard' line, though..."trust me you will have your say," it doesn't seem to fit in my mind. Keep the security guard, part, though, that's a clever rhyme!

I really like the second last stanza, as well - "some say only thieves steal, you will never remember my name," AIN'T that the truth!

Great song, Hilch; I can see where you have really been working on this. I love the rhythm, and I tend to think that singing/writing it as you listen in the background to music helps to place the words in the right spots. I actually clap it out when I don't have any music to put it to, which can drive anyone listening absolutely bonkers...LOL

Elle

Thanks for the feed back Elle

A little clarification on some points you have raised , just so I get where some parts of the song were going ..

If I want to earn good pay
refers to the previous line --Never the soft sell
So I am saying there soft sell I can't earn good money and in soft sell there are ifs in this guys mind thinking the hard sell is the only way .
Does that make sense ? In my demented mind it does :lol:

I put feril in there as that what my wife calls those annoying people who ring when you sit down to your evening meal , and its
" hello Mr Hilch , how are you today . we have a very exciting offer for you today , I work for <kkkn'kjlvm> and so on never allowing you to get a word in ...
So I take your point on about feril should probably be stray ...

Never trust anyone who says " Trust me " if you do you might need a security guard to keep everything you own , is my little saying in life along with " If its too good to believe it usually is "

Thanks for the feed back ,
Appreciated
Trev

ps
any chance of just your credit card number then LMAO :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
OK I'm a bad {jjjjjhhh} < swear word

I don't have a credit card Trev, so no luck here :lol:

Good writing mate, as I was reading it it perfectly sums up those kinds of people, who DO always phone in the middle of dinner!

I'm having trouble imagining music for this one - looking forward to hearing your composition!

Pete

Hi Trev,
I won't say what song I based the lyrics on using another song for the music is a perfectly valid thing to do in my opinion. One downside of that though, when you put this song to your own music you will end up rewriting bits so that it fits the new melody. Also the original song gets in the way when your trying to write your own music.
I like your song and I like the way that you are using couplets instead of bullet/dot points, this works well. Look forward to hearing it.

cheers

Paul

Thanks for the the feed back Pete and Paul

My only problem is I can't play the tune that my lyrics follow , I mean the original song { does that make sense ?}

Any way what I was going to do was use the melody of the original with my voice , and try to play something that sort of fits with it ..

I know Paul you have suggested in the past to try to do music first but I have 3 pieces of music here that I can't write a word for , you know one piece . I sent you ages ago well the other guys are nearly finished and I still can't words to fit that ..

Agrr oh well I am trying some say VERY trying at times :oops:

Trev...

Speaking of Credit cards thought this would amuse :
Note to self: 'cancel credit cards prior to death!'

Be sure and cancel your credit cards before you die!
This is so priceless and so easy to see happening, customer service,
being what it is today.

A lady died this past January, and ANZ bank billed her for February and
March for their annual service charges on her credit card, and then
added late fees and interest on the monthly charge.
The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00.

A family member placed a call to ANZ:

Family Member:
"I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

ANZ:
"The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."

Family Member:
"Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

ANZ:
"Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

Family Member:
So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

ANZ:
"Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the
credit bureau, maybe both!"

Family Member:
"Do you think God will be mad at her?"

ANZ:
"Excuse me?"

Family Member:
"Did you just get what I was telling you . . . the part about her being
dead?"

ANZ:
"Sir, you'll have to speak to my supervisor."

Supervisor gets on the phone:

Family Member:
"I'm calling to tell you, she died in January."

ANZ:
"The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still
apply."

Family Member:
"You mean you want to collect from her estate?"

ANZ:
(Stammer) "Are you her lawyer?"

Family Member:
"No, I'm her great nephew."
(Lawyer info given)

ANZ:
"Could you fax us a certificate of death?"

Family Member: "Sure."
(fax number is given)

After they get the fax:

ANZ:
"Our system just isn't set up for death. I don't know what more I can do
to help."

Family Member:
"Well, if you figure it out, great!
If not, you could just keep billing her. I don't think she will care."

ANZ:
"Well, the late fees and charges do still apply."

Family Member:
"Would you like her new billing address?"

ANZ:
"That might help."

Family Member:
"Rookwood Memorial Cemetery,
1249 Centenary Rd, Sydney
Plot Number 69."

ANZ:
"Sir, that's a cemetery!"

Family Member:
"What do you do with dead people on your planet?"

Hey Trev, you've touched a nerve. You've made me both smile and cringe at the same time.

Just listened to it, and I think you'll probably want a bridge in there somewhere to break things up. One idea for recording would be to have the listener "hang up" and get a dial tone, but then salesman keeps singing anyway, or maybe call back and continue.

I only had trouble with one line, and it is "Like a stray cat in the woods". I know the pain of having a stray wailing outside my window, but the "woods" part won't connect with people who don't live near any woods ( sounds weird coming from the Canadian, eh? ). I realise that it's need for the rhyme, sorry, and I can't do better right now, sorry again. :)

"I won't ask you
I'll tell you what you really need
I will call you
Just when your going to have your meal"

Sooooooooooo true - not only is your songwriting improving, so are your powers of observation. And that's what makes this a good song - it's true to life. It's one of those lyrics you look at, smile, and say, "Yeah, that's true - been there, done that!"

The whole song works for me - nothing major I'd mess about with. You got the topic NAILED!!!

Only line I don't like is;

"I will pester you, like a stray cat in the woods"

the image doesn't seem to fit somehow.....maybe

"I'll keep on pestering, to sell my wares,
Wherever you are, I'm always there...."

As always, just a suggestion....it's probably what I'd use if I'd got hold of the theme....

:D :D :D

Vic

Thanks for the feed back Slow and Vic

The stray cat line ..

Ever been in the woods { we call it the bush here } at night ?

The feril stray cats when they are mateing its a very pestering sound to me ..

Annoying one could say { used annoy }

But yeah ok I can live with the fact it didn't work thats kool

Thanks for dropping by and offering thoughts and suggestions

Please come again

Trev